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Torture & Triumph

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Torture & Triumph
Just Before The Drop

David-Matthew Barnes

While you finish your painting
I drop another chapter from my heart
There is nothing else to do
So I study you and I swallow
Life whole is cheaper
By the dozen
By the line
A week ago, I snorted your love out of my veins
Coughed it up in a bathroom
In a gas station in Stockton
It was uglier than sin
And it smelled like the rotting
Abscess in my soul

Yeah, you said we needed a change
Moving vans won’t help us, dear
Neither will that money from your folks
The writing is already etched in to the wall
Makes me want to take this razor
And carve times’ itch in to my skin
Your initials, like blood crusted half-moons
I resist the temptation
Like I should have resisted you
To make me love you again,
We go to Santa Cruz
Secretly contemplating
Jumping off the highest cliff
Instead, we make absentminded seaside love
and we try to force the thrill.
Happy anniversary.

I thought life would be pretty
With a hardware man and his art work
But in the orchard
He rapes and sting and cheats and drinks
Draws the lie out of you
So we move someplace new
The view is pretty
Fucking ugly, if you ask me
But you don’t
You just lock yourself in the bathroom
And complain about your adoptive parents
And the little town that almost noosed your neck
You only call my name
When the others won’t come

This all started when I was
A whore from the city
Who fell in love with some small-town guy
After a slow dance in a cheap bar
Near the train tracks
(I only wanted a swimming pool)
But I should have known
That if I couldn’t float
Neither could you.





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