IF NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR, THEN WHO?
by Jim Sullivan
Two major questions surround medicide, Doctor Jack Kervorkian’s concept of physician-assisted suicide. First and foremost, should terminally ill persons have the legal right to end their lives? And second, is it proper and ethical for a medical doctor, sworn by the Hippocratic Oath to protect life, to assist in ending one?
Because the initial question depends, to a large extent, upon one’s religious and/or philosophical bent, it won’t be discussed further. But the second quetion can be looked at logically and sensibly by anyone, even laymen such as myself.
The answer to the question is, yes, for to have any other profession assist in a suicide would be absurd. A case in point: some folks might consider an appropriate alternative to be a veterinarian. After all, they’re professional doctors, too, though for animals. And aren’t we all--animals? What’s more, vets are experienced. They’ve been terminating creatures’ lives for a very long time now.
A fatally ill patient could easily get to a vet. No leash would be required. And the patient wouldn’t have to be placed upon a counter for the final exam. Further, no excessive tail wagging nor loud barking would disrupt the vet’s office.
The professional could simply look the patient over, lift the tail and inspect, check for fleas, feel the ribs, check the color of the tongue and condidtion of the teeth, and run both hands over the fur coat. If found in agreement with the patient’s final diagnosis, the vet could assist in putting the patient permanently to sleep. This process would be known as crittercide. As a courtesy, collars would be removed and presented to the family before the procedure began.
Conversely, another experienced terminator would be a run-of-the-mill prison warden (from a capital punishment state, of course). Perhaps for a reasonable fee, the correction official could be persuaded to do the nasty job.
He or she and the sick peerson about to die could walk the last mile, so to speak, together. The warden, after complying with the patient’s last wishes, could then put that person in a chair, sometimes called ’old sparky,’ strap the individual in, hook up the necessary electrodes, and show the patient how to pull the switch. Or, in progressive states, those out of the dark ages, the warden could assist with a lethal injection. In either case, the result would be called penicide. Don’t look for any last minute reprieves, however.
If that sounds too harsh, what about using your local electrician? He knows what it takes to zap someone. Getting shocked, and avoiding same, are just part of his occupation. Moreover, this electrician hasn’t taken any sort of oath, Hippocratic or hydrostatic, before becoming a journeyman tradesman. Thus, it wouldn’t be against his or her code of professional ethics or anything like that to assist in ending a life of suffering. And the job would be called powercide. Don’t expect this person to rewire your circuit breaker box afterwards.
For a fee, some lawyer might to it, too. But how Perhaps charge you to death or hit you with a suit. If successful, the act could be dubbed baricide. Plumbers, on the other hand, may have the necessary equipment. Or do they? Word is, they don’t even use lead pipes anymmore, but plastic. Besides, plumbers can be expensive and hard to find. But their handiwork could be called flushicide.
So, who’s left? Tree surgeons could commit oakicide; witch doctors, mumbojumbocide; herbalists, gingercide; and dentists, rootcanalicide. None seems quite right to assist in the final delicate job. That, then, leads us right back where we started: with a medical doctor and medicide. This professional is the only logical, reasonable, and acceptable person to assist in a suicide. Perhaps the physicians’ oath will have to be interpreted more broadly, rewritten, or updated to accommodate the questions of the day.
