FEELING LONELY
Aleja Bennett
When you stop getting high you must leave certain
people, places and things alone
so you can become strong and do this on your own.
Yes, you will feel alone, you will meet a new family soon
which is addicts just like you, who can tell you what to do.
Changing your life means making new friends
The new people you meet will be addicts just like you
they know what you’re going through.
When I was drinking most of the time it was because I felt lonely
Now that Im sober I find other positive things to do. Do you?
I still feel lonely every night then I pick up my pen
lay back down and start to write.
What will you do when you start to feel lonely?
Don’t think you’re feeling this way only.
Try listening to your favorite song
maybe it’s playing on the quiet storm
Don’t listen to any sad songs
that will make you cry all night long
Draw a picture or write down how you feel
Watch a movie or your favorite cartoon
Maybe you’ll start feeling better soon.
I deal with my lonliness by writing
You might like something more exciting.
When I write it starts to feel good
I write down exactly what Im feeling
so I can finally start healing.
When I finally go to sleep Im too tired to even think
about feeling lonely. I’ve expressed myself on paper
so I don’t have to think about painful things later.
Like I never had a mothers love and how I felt lonely
because of this for years, not even knowing who my real
mother is. My adopted parents didn’t love me either
i held on to this pain for years later.
Now I know I didn’t deserve to be abandoned, tortured
and used and it’s not my fault that they never got caught.
I kept this inside for years, drank for ten years
I buried all my pain so I wouldn’t have to think about
those terrible memories again.
I felt so alone as a child, every night in my sleep
the only thing I did was weep, then think about
all those secrets I keep.
Why did my father give me bloody lips for not eating eggs?
Why did my mother call me skinny and ugly? I always wanted to know
why was she so angry especially when she dragged the hotcomb through
my scalp every saturday night. Sometimes I still can feel the burning in my scalp.
Sometimes I wanted to yell.
I didn’t mean to go into my childhood story but
back then is when I really felt lonely.
Lonely and scared felling like no one cares.
Please don’t destroy yourself like people tried to do to you.
That is what i tried to do, they are not worth it so forgive and move right along.
You don’t have to feel lonely when you meet new friends in recovery
If you don’t have a mother then call your sponsor or a friend
whenever you are feeling sad and lonely
But see, I will always want a mother only
so I’ll never have to feel sad and lonely.
