So Be It....
Anna Anderson
All My life I have tried
To please everyone I loved
Even and especially those who didn’t care
Those who would listen and fake thier interest
They all become one Man in my mind....
the same angry man who hurt me first.
Because it never fails to be....
When I’ve done all I can to please..
and have no more to give... it starts.
With criticism and insults then blows
Evil glances from them and blank stupid stares
As if I am stupid or worthless....
though my love has carried us both for too long.
But never enough to make the love come back to me
My tears falling makes them angry even enraged
My tears bring on the disgust and later the hate....
For the beautiful strong creature they wanted to posess no longer exists
the Blows that will come are inevitable.
Every Man different, one common link between each
and every one.
It is the tears and the blows that eventually always come.
They are too self absorbed to look and see.....
the gifts and love of the She that is Me.
They are too busy with thier egos, thier women and thier drugs.
Too busy to see the woman they clainm to love... in her prison of hell
That I let them lock me in.... a cage of the strongest bonds..
Not of steel, wood or cement, but bonds of the gift of love I have given.
Too much in love with themselves to ever even see....
The beautiful bird they loved is gone....replacing her is this silent being...
Angry and sad, tired from years of battles....
only when she is not bound does she become the Beautiful bird
He first loved.
The pain I wear constantly should be read as a sign
for each and everyone to see the Me i Can Be
If pushed to the extreme.... instead..
If I fight back, I am beat, and later blamed...
for everything from the ending of the love
to the fall of the cost of his stocks,
everything from the food burning while i was beat..
to the televison reception not being good enough to see the game.
The pain that has been inflicted on me has gone miles
towards proving my unworthiness... and yet I alone am
unforgiveable... uncaring and the “bad” one.
So Be It... DO NOT SEE IT!
Too busy in your own self vision to admit it.
So Be It.... I see It.... it isnt all my fault... If I am a Bitch,
Heartless, Selfish, A Monster.... Then You are Frankenstien.
For You created it.
Before you I was weak, had never known much love,
But regardless I believed in it... this unseen beast... you released upon me.
This “love” you gave which wounded and effected me as it has.
But I have recovered. Been remade. Been reconstructed.
But You are still the same So self absorbed,
So stuck on Your side of the story...that you have come to believe it
And It is YOU who suffers, because you will never see....
The Beautiful Me I escaped from those prisons to BE.
