I LIKE BIG GUYS
Marie Kazalia 5/21/2K4
I started my period--
anyway--no sex
and looks like the anglo-saxon didn’t come--
Maybe his conscience got the better of him
and my friends e-mailed doubts
that helps enforce my own certainty
that it’s of no consequence
to fuck a recently married man
if he&I both feel
we want to--
and the e-mail from my friends said
do what you want to --
but they themselves
had a no-married-men policy...
because they didn’t want to hurt
another woman
and yet
last nite just before I started my period
I had this fantasy
big tall anglo-saxon
taking off his clothes
sucking my nipples
fucking me long and hard
in some dark
cheaply rented room in North Beach
the same neighborhood
he lives with his wife--
this all seems to be happening
very quickly
he invited me to go
with him to Mexico
and I’m still not sure
if an actual trip planned
or just said to get a look into my eyes
a glimpse of my recognition
of his intent
to do more with me than say hello
when we run into one another
out separately for coffee--
men go out with me once
then fall in love with me
pressure&pursue
me into exclusion--
so that a low-key romance
with a married man
may be just right for me--
So where in the hell is he?
Did some friends already tell his wife
he’d been seen out with me?
have they been fighting
he assuring her
nothing happened
have they made-up
she insisting
he stay home with her tonight?
I push my boobs up together again
into my low cut shirt
pull the lace
covering up
makes the cleavage more obscure
and enticing--
I know several people
sitting out at windy tables
along the slanted sidewalk
Marco, John D., Jessica
Jack H.&his woman--
some I’ve seen and talked to
yet forget their names--
still no sign of the anglo-saxon
(I’m too damn beautiful
for these men anyway--)
his sulky wife
looms in my imagination
(god, I’d never want to be that kind
of guilt-tripping drag of a woman)
and so I almost believe
the anglo-saxon--drinking beer
at Vesuvio’s with me last nite--
when he told me--
7you either have to sleep with
just one man--or all of them87
and of course
there in lies the solution
so many have presented themselves
yet failed all the tests--
to be mine--
so I’ll just have to settle for
lots of cocks
instead of just one exclusive--
I had planned on the anglo-saxon
as being first in the series--
if he doesn’t show-up
soon I’ll have to find some other one--
I like big men--
why pretend
and tell all the short ones
I love them--
just because so many
of them have wanted me--
so it seems
sitting here
I’ve come to
some new decisions
and
I am no longer
afraid
to reveal
who I am
and my feelings--
