Cat Hair
By Victoria Turner
It always happens, no matter how hard you to try to shed something. Mistakes stick to you like cat hair; you pick at it, but there’s always more there. Sometimes pulling the fur off only results in it floating in the air next to you. It lands again on your clothing in another spot.
So you try a lint brush. It rolls over you and picks up all the pesky little hairs. But then you have to peel back the tape and that sticks to you too. It doesn’t matter, because even after you throw it away, more appears.
The cat’s still there.
Absentmindedly I stared at the tiny black hair, twirling it between my thumb and index finger. I stared at this strand of unfamiliar feline DNA until I felt a large hand on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly to see the tan, hairless hand, a shiny gold wedding band glinting at me with insincerity. Instantly, my stomach churned and the speed of my heart burst into a hammering pace. My nerves swelled and it took all of my courage to turn on my stool and face Steve. He stared at me with icy hawk-like intoxicated eyes, piercing me with frozen daggers.
Fuck.
Sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I inhaled slowly and curled my lips into a pained, toothless smile. Steve’s eyebrows knit together as he stood next to my seat.
“We have to talk,” he hissed in my ear, his smooth cheek grazing mine.
“No, we don’t,” I responded.
“Oh,” he mocked, “we don’t?”
“No,” I said through clenched teeth.
“I think we better.”
I glanced around the bar to see if anyone was paying attention. Sarah and her husband Mark were busy chatting over bottled beer. Janet and Richard were busy watching the ball game on the large screen behind me. Other unfamiliar faces were in the back playing pool. As my eyes surveyed the crowded bar, my sight landed on Aiden’s mother, one of the bartenders. She stood talking to Michael, a rowdy Irishman who never knew when he had enough, and had no idea that everyone disliked him.
“Ya don’t understand,” Michael slurred in a thick Irish accent. “What I’m sayin’ is--”
“I do understand!” said Aiden’s mother. “But what I’m telling you is. . .”
At least she’s occupied, I thought to myself.
Steve hit my shoulder. With some force he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the barstool. He led me through the dense blue smoke that encompassed the dingy sports bar this evening. Some of the lights above had burnt out and hadn’t yet been replaced. The tile floor desperately needed to be washed; cigarette ashes were strewn everywhere. Surprisingly, Steve’s footsteps were audible over the loud chatter. He led me out of the pub and turned to me once we were outside. It was raining steadily, water pounding and trickling over the awning above us. Over the drumming of the rain I thought I heard the soft cry of a kitten. I shook my head. A gust of chilly air blew my hair behind me as I opened my mouth to confront Steve. His brown hair was combed neatly to the side, and he looked attractive in a cobalt blue shirt and jeans, for a man fifteen years my senior.
“There is nothing to talk about,” I said, force behind my words.
“Bullshit.”
“You’re married.”
He rolled his eyes. “That didn’t stop you the other night.”
“I was drunk!”
“No excuse.”
I pursed my lips. “It shouldn’t have happened. I admit that. And I’m sorry it did! I wish I could take it back!”
“I don’t.” He stepped closer. Angrily I shoved him away.
“You should have stopped it,” I said quietly.
“Look, it’s not like we had sex. It was just some making out that went a little farther. No big deal.”
No big deal. I’m sure that’s what your wife would think.
Taking a deep breath, I stared at Steve.
“I can’t take it back. As much as I wish I could just erase it, I can’t. But as far as I’m concerned, nothing happened. It never happened. And believe me, it will never happen again.”
As I turned around to go back into the bar, I heard Steve say quietly, “That’s too bad. I was falling in love with you.”
A mistake. What the hell were you thinking? That’s the thing; you weren’t. All you wanted was some attention. Is that so bad?
Yes. If you’re still scarred over that rejection from Ryan, forget about it. He’s not worth your time. And you’ve known Steve’s lusted after you for the past year. It was flattering, sure. An older man; rather, an experienced man. But you never would’ve done anything if you’d’ve been sober. You know that.
How could you have let yourself get so drunk? How did the bartender not realize it? Two Long Islands, two gin and tonics, and two tequila shots? Yeah, you laugh now in bitterness. After all, everyone said you’d be safe getting a ride home with him.
I entered the pub and went for a seat at the bar. Sitting down, I buried my face in my hands. Vigorously I rubbed my eyes with my fists, blessing myself for not putting on eye makeup today. I heaved a sigh and blurrily looked up into the face of Aiden’s mother.
“Hi,” she said to me, smiling. Her brown hair was pulled back in a small knot behind her head. Her hazel eyes sparkled happily in the dim bar.
I managed a weak smile and blinked several times.
“Hi,” I said softly. I looked her over to see if I could decide which genes Aiden got from her. I didn’t get far enough to make any decisions before she asked me another question.
“What’re you having tonight?”
“Oh,” I sighed. “It was a rough day. I’ll take a Long Island.”
She smiled deviously at me. “I’m not even going to ask if you want a jumbo one.”
I managed a small laugh. She grabbed a large glass and filled it generously with several different liquors. I swiveled in my bar stool, and through the dense smoke I spotted Aiden leaning against the back wall, a bottle of beer in hand.
There it goes. You have a fling with a man who’s convinced you’re his soul mate in a desperate attempt to feel wanted. Five days later, you meet a wonderful man your own age, who’s not like anyone you’ve ever met before. Incredibly smart. Premed. Breathlessly attractive. Models part-time. Excellent taste in music and movies. Stones and Scarface. And that one damn kiss. . .
Aiden’s mother set the drink down in front of me and waved my money away when I tried to pay her. I threw the bills down on the bar as a generous tip instead. She went off to help someone else, and I sat alone. Without trying to look obvious, I pretended to check the clock above Aiden, but he wasn’t there. Instead, my eyes landed on Steve, staring at me with crushed desire. A stab of ecstasy pricked me in the womb. Shocked, I turned away. I bit my lip before letting out an overwhelmed sigh.
Hell. You feel guilty. And you should, no doubt about that. But now, it hits you; you love the way he kissed you. It was empowering, the way a man kissed you like that. So full of desire, such heated passion. Your whole body swelled at his touch. You even forgot how to kiss. But it’s all fake; he’s married and looking for some. Probably thinks you’re loose. No, he wouldn’t think that. After all, you never showed any sign of interest this past year.
Who knows? Maybe he is in love with you.
I turned my head back to my drink and took a long sip. After I rubbed my eyes with my fists, I opened them and saw Aiden standing a few feet away. Our eyes met and I gave a shy smile. He looked intimidating the way he stood so relaxed, leaning against the wall, one of his long, thin legs bent backward, propping him up. He had a navy blue bandana tied around his head and a few pieces of curly hair escaped near the back. His blue eyes lazily gazed in my direction as he reached up and rubbed his stubbly cheek. He refolded his long arms and gave me a cocky grin. He darted his eyes from me to the empty wall space next to him, then back to me again.
“Ah,” said Aiden’s mother. I broke my gaze from his direction. “Isn’t my son cute?”
Cute doesn’t even begin to describe it, honey.
I smiled softly. “Yes.”
His mother beamed at me. “I did a good job on that one.”
I nodded. “Yes, you did.”
“You should go talk to him. I think he’d like you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”
She took a sip of ice water. “He’s tired of girls at the modeling agency. Sick of girls who only eat salads on dates and don’t talk about anything of importance.”
I took a sip of my strong drink that made me want to cough. “And what makes you think I’m any different?”
“I don’t know. Just got a feeling, I guess.”
“Just a feeling?” I repeated. I leaned over on the counter, folded my arms, and tapped my fingers against my elbow.
She laughed. “Okay . . . I overheard him telling his uncle that he was incredibly interested in you.”
I blinked in surprise. “Really?”
She nodded, a secret smile on her rosy lips. “He said you two talked for hours, and when he asked you to go back to his place you shot him down.”
I sighed. So that’s why he didn’t call. You’re not a slut.
“He liked that you shot him down. He doesn’t want to date a tramp. Now go,” she said, waving me away, “or I’ll cut you off for the rest of the night.”
I laughed. “All right.”
Standing up, I took a deep breath. I smoothed my long black skirt and adjusted my tank top, picking off a short black hair. I let it fall next to me. As I began to walk to Aiden, a hand was suddenly on my shoulder again. Before I realized it, I was being steered outside. I blinked in shock as I realized it was Steve.
“You,” I hissed as I was dragged through the door. “What the hell d’you think you’re doing?”
Rain still pounded on the awning, making a repetitive drumming that my heart began to imitate. A slow rumbling announced that was soon followed by a flash of lightning. The sky lit up and Steve looked almost frightening for a moment. His combed hair was jaggedly sticking upward in many places, as if he had fisted his hands in it and pulled hard.
“You know what, dear,” Steve slurred, coming closer. “I’m gonna give you a ride tonight.”
“No,” I took half a step back.
“C’mon, you know you liked it.” He leaned in closer. His breath smelled of beer and cigarettes. I wrinkled my nose and pushed him away.
“No,” I said firmly, and turned to walk back inside. Steve’s hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me backward.
“Stop it,” I shouted. Steve let go and walked off into the rain in a huff. “Just leave me alone!”
“What the hell’s going on?”
I whirled around to face Aiden. My anger faded as I looked up into his face.
“Nothing,” I muttered. “I think everything’s okay--I think he left.”
Aiden narrowed his eyes and stared around the parking lot. “I don’t see anyone pulling out. Should I look around for the bastard?”
“No,” I said hastily. “I think I got rid of him.”
Aiden grinned down at me and I realized then just how tall he was. He took my hand in his and swung my arm. I beamed back up at him.
“I enjoyed our conversation the other night,” he said, his voice low.
I laughed, my face feeling as if it would crack from smiling so much. “I did too.”
He pulled me a little closer, still swinging my hand. “It’s been a long time since I met someone that I couldn’t stop thinking about after saying goodnight.”
“I think that’s a good sign.”
“I’d say so. But . . .”
My heart pummeled. “What?” I said, trying not to sound worried.
“Well . . .” he trailed off. I felt myself being pulled so close to him that we were nearly touching. I craned my neck to look up at him.
“I was wondering when you were going to let me take you out somewhere other than our occasional run-in here.”
I relaxed. “Well,” I said loftily, “you never called.”
“It’s been two days since we met. I couldn’t seem too desperate.”
“Ah. The old ‘play it cool’ game.”
He laughed and squeezed my hand. “How about tomorrow?”
“What tomorrow?”
“How about we go downtown and see a show? Dinner too. Then walk around the pier and let me see if your lips are as soft as I remember.”
I blinked up at him and smiled. “I’m busy tomorrow.”
The smile on Aiden’s face flickered.
“After all,” I continued smoothly, “we are playing the ‘play it cool’ game.”
He pursed his lips. “What if I won’t take no for an answer? Will I wind up like the jackass you just got rid of? All alone in the rain?”
I sighed and took my free hand and put it on his bicep. His arms had looked long and gangly, but touching it I realized his muscles were a well-kept secret; it was a firm arm that I wanted wrapped around me.
Aiden pulled me to him. “I can’t take it anymore. I apologize in advance for this.”
Before I could reply, Aiden slowly bent down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. My body tightened as he let go of my hand and placed one of his on the small of my back, the other gently caressing my bare arm. I responded to his kiss and reached up and put my hand on his neck, letting it wander over his chiseled face. After a minute he stopped the kiss and smiled down at me. I bit my lip and looked into his blue eyes.
Damn. A soft kiss. Even better than the other night. Not like Steve’s at all. It seems that Aiden actually cares about you rather than just getting you in the sack. And look at him. He’s gorgeous, polite, smart, and his mother even likes you. That’s always important. You win the mom, you win the man. And once you win him you won’t have to come back here trying to find him. And Steve will be gone. And you can move on and not worry about that any more.
“Will you excuse me a minute?” Aiden asked.
“Sure.”
“Are you coming in or staying out here?”
“I’ll be in in a minute,” I said, smiling at him.
“You better be. I don’t want you running out on me.” He winked at me and walked back inside. I checked to be sure he was gone before doing a little victory dance. I know I looked ridiculous, but I didn’t care. I shook my booty and waved my arms in the air. Closing my eyes, I moved around in my own little world. I don’t know how long I danced for, but I felt a warm hand enclose around my wrist and I kept on dancing. Then, suddenly, I was pulled into another kiss. I responded back without opening my eyes. Almost instantly I felt my stomach churn; instead of warm, soft lips, I tasted stale cigarettes. Horrified, I opened my eyes to see Steve, and behind him, wearing a look of shock was Aiden.
“Uncle Steve?” he said dubiously.
Steve turned around and looked at Aiden. Shocked, unable to say anything, I stood in horrified stupor.
“It’s--it’s not what you’re thinking,” I said quietly.
Aiden turned around without acknowledging what I said and stormed back into the bar. Furiously I turned to Steve, who grinned at me.
“Come on,” he said, moving closer. I felt my face twist in fury.
“Go to hell!” I shouted. “Just piss off, all right?” Somewhere nearby a cat was howling. Steve turned, and in silent anger stalked off into the rain. I turned and fled back into the bar, running right into Aiden. My throat swelled and heart went weak in my chest. All the wondrous feeling I had felt minutes ago vanished and washed away in the rain.
“I swear,” I said softly, “it’s not--”
He brushed past me and walked outside. Then, he turned around and looked at me as I stood in the doorway. I wanted to cry, but I bit my lip instead.
“I thought you were different,” he said quietly. He turned around and walked into the rain. Instinctively I followed him right into the storm.
“How can you say that?” I shouted over the clapping thunder. Icy pelts of water stung my face. “You heard me shouting at him before, telling him to leave me alone.”
A small cry came from behind me. I turned and saw a small black cat, drenched with water. It looked at me with large orange eyes. Rain beat down on me, soaking my hair and matting it against my head. Aiden stopped walking.
“Then tell me,” he called over the rain. He stopped talking. I waited, breath caught in my throat. “Tell me that it never happened before.”
Lie. Lie. Don’t tell him. Just lie. He’ll never know. It’s Steve’s word against yours. He doesn’t have to know.
Say it! Say it now! One syllable. No.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie. Aiden stared at me with intense eyes.
“It did happen before,” I said, voice barely audible over the rain. “But it wasn’t supposed to!”
Aiden turned around and stormed off into the night. I wanted to run after him, to tell him I was sorry, how horrible I felt about what had happened. But instead, I stood, frozen in place, rain mixing in with my burning tears of anger and frustration. I balled my hands into fists and released them several times. I don’t know how long I stood in the rain before the cat came and sat down next to me. I looked down at it and it blinked its lamp-like eyes at me. For some reason, I bent down closer to the cat and stared at it. Then, picking it up I pressed it against my chest, thinking about how much one mistake had ruined everything, and how hard my life was going to be from this moment on. I turned around and set the cat back down out of the rain.
“You bastard,” I said to the creature.
Looking at my shirt where I had just held the cat were tons of tiny little hairs. I tried to pick them off, but there were too many. Instead, I let them stay there. Sitting down on the wet concrete, I let the tears flow freely, and the cat crawled into my lap. I didn’t try to get it off.
