She was very vulnerable. He kept giving her dope, and she kept snorting it. To make a long story short, her brains bled out her nose and she died after thrashing around on the floor for three minutes while no one did anything to help her.
A White Death Before a Blue Future
-for K. A.
Michelle Greenblatt
Nellie, Nellie, did we not fall
asleep on the sofa curled
in each other’s arms did
you not catch me when I fell
like glass and shattered
did you not pull
me back up safely
where I slept until morning
the white morning
did the lark not sing
soft songs climbing in
through the window
is that why I didn’t see
the hole in your chest
the leaking hole the glass hole the white
hole Nellie why did we eat
breakfast white
breakfast tender, chafed
nostrils why did we spend
days long days white days
wasting
away pink flesh
glistening on our white bones
grey brains flattening
against the sides
of our skulls we later
gathered quarters
from our pockets
to go to lunch
in my car, my silver car
encapsulated
against the world
glass windows rolled up
glass teeth chewing glass
hands moving glass
lips telling each other glass
stories
cold lurking
in the corner when we drank
cheap wine
at night
red wine
white nights
pushing deep into the sky the stars
black sky white stars
Nellie why didn’t we fight
for a blue future
why did we put our backs against the wall
hands over our mouths
glass hands glass mouths
were we lost in the white
mazes weaving corners out
of blackness to forget
what we couldn’t
forget
evaporation sublimation liquefaction
scraping away
at a full white moon
Nellie don’t betray me
with your death
a white death a red death
ask your mother
what I’ve done to you
don’t betray me with your death
who will catch me when I fall
in the white bedroom
like glass
off the couch
onto the floor
who will catch me
when I fall
out of the white mazes
into the blue future?
October 2003
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