Job Listing
John Marsh
We are seeking someone who prefers park benches and bologna sandwiches to being judged by the likes of us; someone willing to be killed rather than kill; someone who does not want to start a computer every morning and spend their life typing an obituary. We are particularly interested in applicants with experience in one or more of the following: (1) eating in cars (to avoid chatting with colleagues or co-workers); (2) resentment of authority; (3) locking themselves in bathroom stalls; (4) crying when someone criticizes their work; (5) doubts about the value and future of industrial civilization. Successful candidates will receive a competitive salary, an office of their own, and a promise never to bother them again. Searches will begin immediately; for fullest consideration, do not apply—we’ll find you. Or send inflated resume, listless cover letter, and the names of three references whom you suspect of secretly hating you.
