Behind me now
Debbie Kirk
I play jump rope barefoot
amongst the tossed razors and syringes
and once I used a Ouija board to find out who
he really was
inside of me.
I lost my echo
when I checked the pulse
and found my shadow
when I discovered that wine
came in a box.
I caught a tiger by the toe once,
and his teeth were like the needles
I’d later fall in love with.
My mom would cut my peanut butter sandwiches
into triangles
I would try to invent a potion
that would make me a mermaid.
I could roller skate better than anyone else my age
but when I turned tricks
everyone looked the other way
I used to cheat at cards
against myself
and I still always came up
being a loser.
No one ever told me not to swim in the deep end
and no one told me that I could never be a mermaid.
These things you learn early in life
stick to you
Like the gum my cousin put in my hair
when we all went to Six Flags.
I stood on my sand pail
and tried to hang myself with that jump rope once,
but all I got was a scratched knee
and failure and sadness
that would stay with me forever
as I realized that sometimes there really is no way out.
Prisoners act like prisoners
and I feel like I should be singing the blues
Put shackles around my ankles
and perhaps my behavior would make more sense.
I just wanted you to know
That I still want to be a mermaid
And that jump ropes
Ain’t good for a hangin’.
