Letter to Father Anonymous About Why I Left the Church
Christopher Thomas
Dear Walter: (Not his real name.) It wasn’t because I found so
many priests rolled up like lice in the Lord’s overcoat nor their
sexual proclivity for the very young. I always figured that guys
who decide to ignore their sexual urges for the glory of God were
having difficulty getting past adolescence in the first place and still
felt that sex was nasty. And it wasn’t because so many priests
tend to be skilless as teachers and preachers and often don’t have
the social skills of twelve-year-old boys. Priests actually had very
little to do with my decision to leave - although I confess to being
pissed by their inability to speak out in favor of the full inclusion of
women in the life of the Church. I left when I learned that the Jesus
of history and the Jesus of the Church were as different from one
another as Franklin Delanoe Roosevelt was from the tooth fairy. I
knew you well enough to know that you would not be able to deal
with my departure. I could disagree with the Church all I wanted.
You did that all the time yourself. What I couldn’t do was leave if I
intended to remain your friend. So I didn’t tell you for a very long
time. I let you know I had stopped attending Mass and no longer
taught classes for those thinking about joining the church but didn’t
tell you I had actually joined another until I realized that not telling
you how I had changed was right up there with the fact that you were
so far into your own closet that not even your parents knew you were
celibate but gay. I stayed as long as I could, but once I finally figured
out that most of what the Church teaches isn’t the truth - I knew it
shouldn’t have an ounce of authority over anyone’s life. It was my
hope that you would be hurt for a while but get over it and appreciate
that by leaving the Church, I had in no way abandoned you as my friend.
But when you dumped me because you believed we were now on two
different journeys, I wasn’t surprised. I’d seen you do the same with
other people you once called friends when they dared to alter their
lives without seeking your permission. That was when you began to
remind me of those few Jews who worked for the Nazi Party rather
than give up their status in society or identify themselves as Jews.
Did you read the other day where Cardinal Barragan said he would
sooner marry two cockroaches that bless the union of two people of
the same gender? Think of it, Walter, every time you put on your collar -
you give assent to a man who calls you a cockroach. Hmmmm, I guess
we are on too very different journeys - because I insist on living as a man.
