A beacon alone
October 13, 1998
I know I’m meant to be standing alone
I’ve done it all my life
and I’m fully used to the feeling
and I’ve been living without anyone for so long
and I wanted to let you know that I’m used to that
and I can do it on my own
and I don’t need someone to help me pick up the pieces
and I don’t need someone to wipe my nose
or tell me how and when to brush my teeth
and comb my hair and fold my clothes.
Have I said this to you before? Probably. Do I
think this needs repeating? Usually. Then no one
gets what I want and what I do. But this
is what I’ve been used to all my life,
this rejection, this feeling like I’m
supposed to be this way, this feeling
that there’s no chance for me. You might
think it. The rest of the world does.
But let me tell you once, in the easiest
way I know how, let me tell you that I
am strong and I know what I need and I
know what to do and I’ve been fine on my own
all of this time. Maybe I’ve been just
waiting for someone to come along
and make it all better for me. Well,
maybe that’s my job, to do what I’ve
been planning, and someone else
will notice that you don’t have
to do it like everyone else. I don’t know
if I’m a beacon, but it’s nice to think of me
that way, whether of not it’s accurate.
I don’t know if I’m a beacon. But for now,
it’s nice to think of me that way.
I wonder when someone will notice my
differences. I wonder when someone will think
I’m different. I wonder when someone will notice
Copyright Janet Kuypers.
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.
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