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You Would Know
If You Were Here

This is a toast to you
And I know full well that you can not hear me
And I know full well that you can not touch me
And I know full well that you can not remember me
But I still toast to you

Maybe it is because I remember too much
And maybe I want things to be different
And maybe you know the difference

Maybe you would know if you were here

I bought these wine glasses recently
After you died
Because they lookined like the glasses we
Almost got
When you came to visit me
And you took a day off of work

And no, you have never been around with me
To drink from this glass
With me
But I still think of it as ours

And I toasted to you with this glass

I said to you in this toast,
This is for all that almost happened
And this is for all the things that
Could have happened, and would have happened

And here is to all that you have taught me

Because I have been through a lot, you know
And I didn’t think you would add to my misery
Or my joy

And here I am
Thinking about it all

And I am mixing red wine with beer
Half and half
In one of these glasses
And I am all alone
In my apartment
Wondering what it would have been like
If you were here
And I had a different set of battles to fight

But
But now I’ve got a different set of battles to fight
And a different set of battles to win
And oddly enough, with all that we have gone through
You have helped me though this

I would never wish what happened to you
To happen to someone else
And you would tell me that
If you were here

You would be angry at me
because I would think that drinking through my problems
Would be the easiest solution
You would be angry at me
For my giving up my hope
And you would remind me
That I am a worthwhile human being
And that I am talented, and strong
And that I am a fighter

And it is fitting, in a way,
That I am toasting to you with a combination
Of cheap wine and cheaper beer
But it is the way that would live
If you were here

You would live every minute to the fullest
You would celebrate everything
And you would toast to it


Copyright Janet Kuypers.
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