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Ten Minutes

I watched a cartoon
where a boy was caught shoplifting
he stole a game for himself
and he made up to his mom for it
by getting a picture of himself in a frame
and his mom was so proud

and all I could think of
was that I stole something once
and my parents made me feel like hell for it
and I wasn’t getting a game for myself
I was getting them Christmas presents
    everyone made me feel
    as if I had to spend
    as much money as everyone else

    and everyone else had a job
    and was an adult
    and I was a kid
    and I was twelve
    and I had fifteen people to buy presents for

but I was getting THEM presents
because they made me feel
like I had to be more than an adult
to compete with them
to compete for them
and it never won
and I never won
and I’m still not winning

so is this part of why I’m so messed up?
so is this why I’m an overachiever
so is this why I do so much
so is this why I feel the need
to always succeed?

I always do,
but is it always at my cost?


Copyright Janet Kuypers.
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.

the book Oeuvre the 2007 cc&d v171.5 book Living in Chaos, with material from Janet Kuypers