Glomming off
the Wrestling World
Janet Kuypers
9/6/12
Okay, so I may frequent
the wrong kind of bars,
but the posters I see there
are the same as the ads
I see for Pay-Per-View
wrestling events and matches.
Men shirtless and oiled up,
Flexing, wearing only shorts
& looking as mean as they can.
And all of their oily chests
Are emblazoned with tattoos —
phrases in Chinese writing,
or long swords being thrust
upwards into the wrestler’s neck.
So I walk into a store today,
And standing near a door
is a sign with a poster
of a muscular man looking all
oiled up with a tattoo on his chest.
And it says “MALO”
in a block next to his body,
so I decided to walk over
to this poster of a man
in his shorts, so I could read
what the tattoo said.
It said, “My heart
is the only thing
that’s made of stone.”
This confused me.
I mean, no wrestler
in his right mind
would tattoo that on him.
Then I glanced
at the waistband
on his shorts, and saw
that MALO logo again,
so then I looked over
and saw it was an ad
for underwear
by Mario Lopez.
It’s a shame
that the wrestling world
now has to contend
with someone
like Mario Lopez
trying to glom
off the wrestling image
to sell boxer shorts.
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