Once Your Brain Begins to Thaw
Janet Kuypers
2/26/24
It was already a devastatingly cold journey,
Wearing I don’t know how many layers for warmth.
While on the boat, only from polarized windows
Could you see cresting Southern Ocean waters
Into glaciers and icebergs — but you knew
what you were getting yourself into
During your first visit to Antarctica...
Because, well, it’s Antarctica, it’s not like
There are lavish hotels replete with hot rubs,
Maid service and complicated cocktails,
So you knew you’d be trapped on this boat
Unless you took a tiny rubber dinghy to a harbour,
To, what... photograph assorted sea lions, orcas,
penguins, ice formations. But when they offered
The chance to camp on Antarctica,
You knew the temperatures would suck,
But at the literal bottom of the earth seldom
Few ever see, you really couldn’t fathom doing
Anything else. So, land ho, I mean, ice ho, but wait,
Do they give you a tent or something to block
Out the mind-numbing cold? No, of course not.
They give you a “bivy bag,” which keeps the
Sleeping bag within dry. That’s it for warmth.
At almost six feet tall, you say you need an
Extra-large, and the man glances at the woman
Who’s taller than them and says, “No, you don’t...”
Which means you’re made aware once again
That men’s preconceived perceptions of women
Thanks to sexism (we’re not all petite
Waifs, you prick) means since a man
Won’t listen to a woman, you’re already
Camping in a bag that’s already too small.
You arrive on land (I mean, ice), claim your space,
Shovel out a hole with your gloved hands so the
Winds may not be the end of you that night,
Look around at the nothingness around you, and
Wonder how you’re going to keep yourself
Warm enough to actually fall asleep.
You can’t close this bag around your face,
So... try to figure out how to tuck any of your
Exposed skin underneath anything to try to protect
Yourself. Huddle more. At this time of year, it’s
Never totally dark, but at night it may seem less bright.
Count on that to help you sleep (you know, versus the
Bone-chilling cold keeping you awake). You may
Finally drift in and out of slumber, but the rumbling
Chunks of ice avalanching from the mountain
You’re sleeping at the base of at 2:30 AM
(that’s Ushuaia’s Argentina Standard Time), they
Might disturb your rest... But at this point in the
Game you can’t even be concerned if these
glaciers will fall on top of you and bury you
Forever. If you survive the night, you can
Then check to see if the newly-fallen icebergs
Calved from glaciers block your escape
in the morning, for, who knows, maybe that
Rhythmic rumbling softened by snow is the
Perfect sound to actually lull you back to sleep.
Wake up pre-dawn with a few other campers;
Feel a vague comfort that you’re not the only
One who found the experience absolutely
Miserable. But — it is accomplished, so...
Wait for someone to collect you to embark on an
Inflatable boat ride back to your base. Once your
Brain begins to thaw, think about what you
Just put yourself through. You did it, and
Really, how many people that you know
Can say they camped on Antarctica.
“How was it?”, they’ll ask.
“Miserable,” you’ll answer.
And really, what more can you say.
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