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gary’s blind date A friend of mine had a roommate named Gary and Gary was a man who was always down on his luck. So on one particular occasion, after Gary had a dating dry spell, my friend decided to set Gary up on a blind date. Now, he said, this girl is beautiful, she’s funny, you’ll think she’s great. trust me. Pick her up Friday night. And Friday came, and Gary, feeling more and more apprehensive, said, but I’m not feeling well. I’ve been sick all week. And my friend said, now I don’t want to hear any excuses. You’re going. So Gary got ready for his blind date and drove over to the girl’s house. She lived with her parents, so when Gary rang the door bell the girl’s mother answered. “Oh, you must be Gary, please, come in,” she said. Once Gary got into the house, the mother said, my daughter’s still getting ready. Would you like to wait? and Gary, still not feeling well, asked where the washroom was. She directed him to the newly remodeled basement. Gary walked into the brand-new bathroom. New fixtures. Thick, white, wall-to-wall carpeting. Gary sat down on this new ivory throne, still sick. But when he looked over there was no toilet paper. He couldn’t just stand up, he thought, this isn’t just a regular trip to the bathroom, I need something to clean myself off with. He couldn’t use a towel. So he took off his pants and used his underwear. But he couldn’t leave the underwear in the small, open trash can in the corner of this newly-remodeled bathroom, he thought. So he dropped them in the toilet and flushed. Which caused the toilet to overflow, causing the newly-remodeled bathroom to look less than new. So here was Gary’s dilemma: he left his underwear in the toilet and defiled this family’s brand-new bathroom all without even getting the chance to introduce himself to his date. What are his options, what are his options. So he did the only thing he thought he could do in this situation: he climbed out the small bathroom window and drove home. When he arrived at his apartment so early from his date, his roommate had to ask. And after that, he never set Gary up on a blind date again. Copyright © 2005 Janet Kuypers. U.S. Government Copyright © 2004 Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers on all art and all writings on this site completed before 6/6/04. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission.