I Know It’s Not Going To Happen, 2005

There are so many things that I think about.
Maybe that is one of my curses.
But I think of these things every once in a while... things that are supposed to make me smile and things that are supposed to make me angry too. And sometimes I like to think about the good things — whether or not they happen to me.
But I can think.
I know these things are not going to happen, but I can fantasize about it every once in a while. And because I am here and I have the time here to think about it, I can think about you. I can think about how you liked me and I can think about how strong you were and I can think that you could have been a good challenge for me.
That you would have put limits on me. That you would not have let me do whatever I want.
And maybe that would have been good for me.
And I think about how nice it would be just to hear that you still like me, even after a decade. And I know I should never have let your down and I know I should never have looked for someone else.
Well, for that I am still paying.
And I do not know if you are married now or if you ever got married, and now you are going through a divorce. (I would like to think of it that way, you know.)
I suppose you could be single but I assume that some woman would have swept you up by now, and someone would have taken you away from the rest of the women out there.
Including me.

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Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
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