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5,053 Miles Between Us

Tatiana Sanjuan

    As I’m looking at myself in the mirror I cannot help but zone out in wonder, how did I even get here? How did I build the courage to fly halfway across the country for him, for us? While getting ready I could feel the anticipation of the day ahead; the air around me suddenly felt thicker, I felt so nervous, yet expectant and the feeling of thousands of butterflies in my stomach would not let me settle into savoring the thought that soon I would be seeing him after 23 years. In about an hour, everything we had built till this moment would change, I just did not know if the change would be for better or for worse. Being in a 5,053-mile long-distance situation-ship had been hard, to say the least. Our interactions had been through lots of Facetime and calls.
    My phone rings and it brings me back to the reality and the chaos that is in my mind. I look at my phone with anticipation and see his name on the screen, where has the air in the room gone? The butterflies go absolutely crazy. “Tarik...” I say to myself in a soft whisper that only I can hear.
    “Hey!” I say this trying to sound casual, but I am sure he can hear the tears that are promising to burst very soon.
    “Hey, are you ready?” The casualness in his voice makes my ears ring, he is not looking forward to this the same way I am, I totally read this all wrong yet, there is no going back now. I flew thousands of miles to see him.
    “Yes I am, I am ready. Where do you want to meet?” I hope he can’t hear my disappointment, I for sure can hear it.
    “Meet? What do you mean? I am picking you up! There is no way I am letting you walk anywhere by yourself!” And just like that all the air from the room is back and it reaches my lungs, I take a deep breath.
    “Come over to my place and we can leave from here!” I like how confident I felt saying this. Being assertive was something I wasn’t used to.
    “Open the door!” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand. He used his sexy voice to say this, and it worked. Panic and excitement all rushed through me, the butterflies and I were going into full panic mode. I was not expecting that after 23 years I would see him here, in such a personal space. I made my way to the front door feeling clumsy and unprepared. I took a deep breath and prayed for the best.
    “Tatiana!” He said this with a sideways smile on his beautiful face. Oh, how I loved the sound of my name on his lips. He was so tall I had to look up at him.
    “Tarik!” I could immediately feel myself becoming weaker right in front of him. I was his before he even knew it. Immediately I knew how I wanted this night to end, but he was hard to read. I could not and would not ruin decades of friendship over my immediate need to be loved by him.
    “Come here!” He took two steps forward, he reached for my hand. His warmth burned me in the sweetest way, I let out a soft moan and soon his large muscular body was pressed against mine, his chest on my face felt wonderful, felt safe. He rested his cheek on the top of my head, and I breathed him in, he smelled like aftershave and cedarwood. All at once I felt safe and in danger, in danger of falling in love with someone I knew nothing about yet knew very well.

    We stood in that spot, embracing for what seemed like an eternity and there I knew he felt the same way I did. Neither of us wanted to break that embrace yet, I did. I felt I couldn’t breathe anymore, the need for him was overpowering. I was no longer nervous, now all I felt was fear. Fear of this night being our first and last, fear of not being able to breathe in his sweet scent ever again. Fear of not knowing what would be if we both took a risk we should’ve taken decades ago. At that moment I chose to forget about the possibilities or consequences, I looked up at him and said it, I said exactly what I wanted.

    “Tarik, kiss me!” I could hear myself beg, no fear was in me anymore, only the want and need of him. He stood there without saying a word, I could tell he was considering his next move very carefully. Before I could take my next breath his lips were on mine, he tasted divine. Soon his hands were tangled in my hair and then he slowly moved one to my lower back pushing me closer to him. We kissed without taking a breath, neither of us wanting to stop. We both needed this, we needed to seal all the feelings we had expressed to each other for the last few months. Doing this, made it real, and made us official. After this everything we had dreamed about together, through the distance became real. Without warning he pulls away, he looks at me with longing in his eyes, both of us breathless.
    “We need to stop!” He caresses my face as he says this, I try to look down feeling a little embarrassed, he picks up my chin and forces me to look up at him. “Listen to me, I want this I want you. I know you can feel it in more ways than one.” He says this with a naughty smile and looks down, I am sure referring to how hard he was. I smile and blush.
    “I don’t want this more than I want to be able to talk to you and get to know you all over again,” he continued. “We will have time to do this because there is no way I am letting you go ever again. I lost you 23 years ago, and I have regretted that moment for far too long. It is now our moment. I told you I was here for you, and I mean I am HERE for YOU. I am not leaving.”

    I was speechless, I stood there looking at a man I did not know yet I could still recognize the boy I did know, he was there, and he still loved me. There was nothing left for me to say after that, he said everything I was already thinking. He said everything I needed to hear to convince me that coming here was the best decision for us. The boy I once loved to hate was now a man I would hate to lose, and he was mine for now. Neither of us knew how we would make things work between us and our 5,053 miles, however, we knew we were ready to try. After tonight nothing would separate me from him again.

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