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All The Details

I wonder if it’s just easier sometimes
to think that you didn’t die, that you
were just ignoring me. Would it be easier
then? Would I think that maybe
you’re somewhere missing me,

feeling that hole in your heart
where a relationship with me would
go. Is that the way it’s supposed to
be done? I know that if you were
alive you’d still want to call me,
and you still would expect something
out of me. But I want to be able to
talk to you, to pass the time with you,
to know that you’re there to listen

Maybe if you were alive somewhere I
could just be angry with you. Maybe then
I wouldn’t feel bad, maybe I wouldn’t
miss you. Maybe then I wouldn’t
want you near me, to make me
laugh, or just to let me scream out loud,
when I needed to let out a good yell

Maybe you are somewhere, listening.
That’s a nice way to think about it.
Maybe you know that I cared about you,
maybe you know it hurt me when you
were gone. It hurts me still. Maybe you’re

somewhere, just waiting to fill me in
on all the details I’ve been lacking,
all the details I’ve been wanting to know




Prose Version:

All The Details
(Conscious of It)

“head up my”

- this is what I go through -

    I wonder if it’s just easier sometimes to think that you didn’t die, that you were just ignoring me. Would it be easier then? Would I think that maybe you’re somewhere missing me, feeling that hole in your heart where a relationship with me would go? Is it that way it’s supposed to be done? f you were alive you’d still want to call me. And that always bothered me then, but I miss it now. I want to be irritated with you, and I want to be able to talk to you, to pass the time with you, to know that you’re there to listen

    Maybe if you were alive somewhere I could just be angry with you. Maybe then I wouldn’t miss you.

    Maybe you know that I cared about you, and still do, maybe you know it hurt me when you were gone. It hurts me still

    Maybe I should have gone to your funeral, maybe I should have seen your body, maybe I could have seen the color of your skin or the needle marks near your lips they used to put your mouth together. Maybe I needed to see these things

    But I don’t know if I was ready; I still don’t know if I am ready. Maybe I wouldn’t have so much to say to you, maybe I wouldn’t expect you to come back

    I wondered what it was like for you to be in pain, if you thought it was the end for you, if you knew what was going on. I got one of your earrings yesterday I think it was the last one you wore. I wanted to have something to remember you by other than these damn memories. We should have had more memories together you know. Maybe it’s better this way; I think this to keep me sane. But if everyone is right and you know my thoughts then I suppose you know what I go through

    When I needed to talk to you, I called. Or you called me instead. It was almost like I had a brother there, who was always willing to listen to me, who was always wanting to put up with me. My question to you is this: were you always willing to put up with me? Did you think things would end this way



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