Janet Being Alone
November 28, 1998
I know there that are certain thing
that I have wanted
I know I’m picky and
I know I need attention
and love and support
and all this time I thought
I could get that from you
and you know, I’ve been let down before
I’ve dealt with liars full time
and there have been so many times
where I’ve had to adjust my schedule
and there have been so many times
where I’ve had to adjust my truths
and my perceptions
and you know, I’ve had to
adjust my schedule for you, too
but I still had a schedule there
and I thought that you would come around
and eventually somehow adhere to it
maybe I’m getting tired of being let down
maybe I’m tired of all the bad
things happening to me
maybe I’ve had to keep to myself all this time
maybe I thought that you wouldn’t do that to me too
maybe I wanted to see you
and I don’t know what I’m trying for
if you’re now even going to be there
I don’t know what to expect any more
I don’t know what to do any more
if you’re not even listening
so I’ve had to learn how to be alone
that hasn’t been the easy part of my job
there have been a lot of parts
to this job that aren’t easy
and I was hoping for good news
I was hoping for someone to understand
I have been hoping for that
light at the end of the tunnel
something I can learn from
something I can understand
something that can make me happy
and all this time,
I thought that something was you
I thought you were my light
at the end of the tunnel
that’s another thing I’ve had
to learn to change too
I don’t know how much nicer I can be
and I don’t know how many times I’m going
to get kicked in the teeth for it
and no, I’ve come to realize
that there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me
that the waiting isn’t enough
and no, I can’t sit around and wait for you any more
I have to just move on
I don’t know what I’m moving to
but I have to be moving to something
Copyright Janet Kuypers.
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.
|
