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Gerald listened, and heard the first applicant
discuss that he understood government spending
in education, health care, helping the poor,
paving roads, keeping water safe to drink,
fighting pollution and the like
but he wasn’t in favor of money going to
religious groups, or even helping corporations
who have previously failed so miserably
he said he was against the expansion of the
Patriot Act (that’s a blow against him
for this government position), but he was
in favor of holding the military responsible
for illegal acts committed while in service
and oh, we just heard another issue that’s a
strike against him: he claimed that abortion
is nobody’s business but the woman (and
secondarily the man)
well, he was sounding good, but
we have to make sure some topics are not
covered when he’s making public speeches
while at work
to close the phone interview, Stephan asked
what religion he was
the first applicant said confidently that
he was jewish
and after he gave his answer
Stephan thanked him and ended the interview
with the phone off the hook, Stephan said
under his breath,
“well, we’ll have to find someone else,
we’ve got two more phone interviews”
II
when the second man answered his phone,
Stephen immediately started asking
questions, and this new candidate
had a lot of intriguing opinions
he understood that taxation existed
to secure the people view of a good society
but people who are taxed can’t control
if the money is spent efficiently
but he also made a valuable point:
that nothing guarantees that people
are correct in assuming that what they want
is what they need
americans, through taxation, display
faith in the government to accomplish
what we need
government spending gauges where
our values lie
choices of spending money
to house orphans or to subsidize industry,
on education or incarceration are a direct
reflection of what the people want
Gerald listened to this interviewee, thinking
that this person could be molded into
whatever they needed for this new position
not knowing what he’d say about the wars and combat,
Stephan guided the questions to the military.
he responded by saying that a common defense
is the most enduring and universal symbol
of all successful human societies
treaties and alliances effectively stop people
from continuing to build their arsenal
so, he’s also in support of finding more allies
after the war Bush was walked us into,
to cut our costs down as well. make sense.
so Stephan closed the interview asking
what religion he ascribed to,
and he replied that he was muslim
Gerald and Stephan both looked at each other
with wide eyes when they heard that,
so Stephan asked if he was muslim
from birth
no, he replied, i was raised christian,
but i became muslim
was i was probably around twenty-five
oh, well, thank you, Stephan said,
thanks for letting us know
he then graciously said thank you
to Stephan as they ended the interview
and hung up the phone
Stephan then looked up at Gerald
well,
he finally said
yes,
Gerald answered
i don’t think that would work out well
for us, Stephan said
i don’t know what the ramifications
would be,
Gerald answered
well, one more interview to go
as Stephan looked at the last application
and phone number to dial
III
before Stephen dialed the last number, he said
that this one’s a woman,
well, we should listen to her anyway
Gerald pointed out
that if the President can bring a black woman
into his cabinet, this might not be a bad thing,
so Stephen relented and dialed the phone.
after greetings, he started asking her
questions, and she answered honestly,
though she tried to back up every answer
with facts and details that made her answer
seem like the most plausible choice
she believed it was a woman’s right
to have an abortion since the woman
is the one who has to host the fetus
until it can become a life on its own,
but she also felt
that if people were looking to adopt,
and doctors can keep premature babies alive
well after their first trimester, she had
less of a moral argument for late term
abortions
she said that even though she was
a woman and in a minority,
she didn’t believe in laws to assist
women, or people in minorities
with jobs
because people should only be hired
on merit and talent,
not on the color of their skin or
whether they’re male or female
she believed taxation was appropriate
to keep the society functioning,
even though some are unwilling
to pay higher taxes
while wanting more things
done for them
she then pointed out that these same people
want to gamble some of their money away
at casinos
this made her wonder why gambling
is not more prevalent, and taxed heavily,
so the government could get money
for work that needed to be done
Stephan asked her about the military,
and she responded by saying that
war is always a gruesome thing,
people are realizing that now because
television cameras are now on the front lines,
showing them details of the gore
but one thing she noted
when the gulf war was going on
in the early nineties (though it wasn’t
technically a war, people use the term “war”
flippantly whenever there’s a conflict
or an invasion now, even though
congress hasn’t declared a war
since world war two),
but what she noted
was the staggering ease
America had in attacking the
middle east, how casualties were low,
and how a lot of amazing technology
was used to fight the first gulf war.
the country is filled with amazingly
intelligent people, she said,
and that intelligence will keep our
numbers of injured or killed low
when in battle again
approaching the end of their interview,
Stephen remembered the first prospective
employee talking about keeping the
government away from religion,
he asked her what she thought of the
separate of church and state.
she pointed out that there is nothing
in the Constitution that declares the
separation of church and state,
but she also knows that there are
many people in this country who
aren’t christian, who have to deal with
christian holidays and churchgoers
imposing their christian mentality
then all she heard was silence
she knew this christian interviewer
didn’t like her non-christian answer,
so she tried to fill the silence
with justification
since this country is a melting pot,
she said,
and people have had to accommodate
differing languages of citizens
for years, people should also be able
to accommodate different religions as well,
or even atheism
i see, Stephan said
i am not saying that christianity
should be out of the government,
she said,
it’s in our government’s roots.
i know full well that most people
who founded this country
were christians;
they just didn’t want a
government-sanctioned religion
forced down people’s throats
people who complain about the
separation of church and state
don’t have a problem using our money,
where every bill and coin says
“in god we trust”
Stephan noted her beliefs about
the inclusion of religious phrases
in money, so he asked
about the inclusion of “under God”
in the pledge of allegiance
well, she said,
i believed it should have remained there
if that is the way it had always been,
but then i found out
that it hadn’t always been that way.
from the best i can gather,
FDR added “under god” to the pledge
to show how us Americans
were better than those godless communists.
does that mean we should
pull the added phrase out now?
she asked.
the invocation of religion in Bush’s cabinet
does make this middle eastern attack
more like a holy war,
whether or not anyone wants to
believe it,
but instead of pulling those two words,
which would anger a lot of americans,
i don’t see why children
who are opposed to saying “under god”
can’t just not say those two words
while reciting the pledge
and leave it at that
i wouldn’t say we should remove
those two added words to the pledge,
but i also don’t see why so many people
in america want to search for problem
to complain about
if i didn’t like something
when i was growing up,
i didn’t try to uproot the system,
because the systems’ often
far too powerful to overcome,
i’d just found a way around the problem
for myself
and didn’t make any waves
we can’t get along as a country
if everyone is complaining about
little details they can just work around.
people have different beliefs in this country,
and one of our saving graces
is that we’ve allowed those differences
to help us thrive
Stephan was coming around
to what she was saying,
and when he looked up at Gerald,
he saw him smirking
at the sense in her comments
well, thank you very much
for your opinions in this interview,
Stephan finally said
just out of curiosity,
what religion are you
do you need that,
she asked
well, we—
Stephan was cut off
you’re not allowed to hire
based on religion,
she cut in
we’re not,
Stephan answered,
we’ve just been talking about religion,
that’s all
she knew he was expecting her to answer
she panicked
she knew he was a christian,
she knew they wanted a christian
in this job
everyone in the government
has to fit what they see
as the perfect American mold
she knew she’d be flat-out rejected
for a job
if she told them she was an atheist
her mind started reeling
she was born catholic,
but she learned to think for herself
as she grew older
so she knew better
her morals were very christian,
and she was told more than once
that she was a good gnostic christian
all of this flashed through her head
in about one and a half seconds
and she finally answered,
i’m a christian
oh, Stephan answered,
what denomination?
excuse me?
she asked, to steal herself a little more time
oh, what denomination,
catholic, protestant, lutheran, baptist,
just wondering what church you went to
she gulped
people have told me
i’m a good gnostic christian
but
i was born a catholic
ah, keeping company with the
president, Stephan said
no, i’m not a roman catholic
but catholicism does make
a good portion of christianity
in this country
they both laughed in agreement
as Stephan started to close
the interview
IV
after she hung up the phone
she thought about how the cards
are stacked against woman
then again, they’re stacked against you
if you are anything other than
an anglo-saxon male
sorry blacks
sorry latinos
sorry asians
sorry native americans
but now she was seeing that
the cards could be stacked against you
if you’re not a christian
sorry jews
sorry hindus
sorry muslims
sorry atheists
you’re screwed too
if you don’t fit into the perfect mold
she almost felt like she needed
to take a shower,
to clean herself off
from having to lie —
wait, she didn’t lie,
she just didn’t reveal
the entire truth
then she realized
that if she got the job
she’d have to get used to
covering up the truth all the time
Copyright
Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
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