[the Writing of Kuypers]
and I’m getting used to hearing that now
and I know she’s older
I never tried to tax her before
and
and after the first round of chemo
good thing that’s when the soap operas started
because she read the newspaper before eight am
so yes, after the chemo
but she’s a strong lady
and then she started feeling tired all the time
so how about a hospice?
that’s what they told her
and that’s the first time
and I’d hear my sister say
stop complaining, mom
and after the second round of the chemo
so she had two options
and I’m trying to figure out right now
but I hear it now more than ever from her
she’s trying to heal herself now
and I come to visit her
so I just have to keep telling myself
and she’ll eventually lose
that’s hard for me to say, you know
and neither should we
[JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]
I’m Tired
I’m tired
she says to me
and I know that she doesn’t have the energy
she used to
to make her do too much
because my mother was older
she was in remission
and I went to visit her for weeks
and she still woke up at five am every day
and she ran errands in the morning
and she started slow cooking her foods
and she did her laundry
and by noon
she was getting tired
then she could sit back and watch tee vee
and she took care of her work for the day
before noon
during her recovery
she’d get tired
but everyone understood that
she just went through so many rounds of chemo
for her leukemia
it’ll take forever to fully recover
from the radiation
even though she’s in remission
just give her some time
she’ll get over this hurdle too
and then feverish
and she went to the doctor
and they said they were wrong
she wasn’t in remission
how silly of them, to miss that
because all hope is lost now
and she went to dad
and the said
let’s go back right now
to the good hospital
and they’ll take care of her again
and really make everything better this time
I started hearing from mom
that she really just didn’t want
to be in the hospital any more
that she said the bed was really uncomfortable
this will make everything better
you said so
don’t worry, it’s a different chemical this time
so she wouldn’t lose her hair
which is now coming back curly
just as she wanted
but after the second round of the chemo
they said it wasn’t working this time
she wasn’t in remission
so
who hurts more from her decision
her or us
that she’s tired
but that’s to be expected
her platelets are low
and she’ll need to get more blood in a day or two
and her body keeps telling her
with terrifying diligence
that she should be tired
you know, because the chemicals can’t do it
and I ask her after noon how she’s doing
and she said she’s tired
but then she explains
that she did three loads of laundry this morning
and she took a shower
justifying her being tired to me
and she just took a shower after waking up
but she didn’t get a chance to take a nap yesterday
so even though it’s morning
she falls asleep on the couch in the morning
while I visit
that she’s tired for a reason
she’s fighting the hardest battle of her entire life
and
because we come from a hearty stock
she shouldn’t eventually lose
she shouldn’t
Copyright Janet Kuypers.
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