It’s Just Hard
Janet Kuypers, 09/14/06 #1
It’s hard, I’ve hit a wall
there’s only so much I can take
I feel like I’ve been put on a boat
with only two oars
and there’s no one else
to steer the boat
and get us going
in the right direction
but I feel like I’m taking care of my father
at the worst time of his life
and I look around,
and all of his friends here
said,
“if there’s anything I can do”
or
“let me know what I can do to help”
or
“it’s do good that you’re here
to help him”
and I know it’s hard for my dad
but I’ve left my husband
and I have no one to talk to
and I go with him
to his appointments
for taking care of
my mother’s life insurance
or their titles for their home
or to government places
where he has to tell them
that Lucille is dead
so all of the rights
should go to him now
and I go with him to these things
and I don’t say a word
I just go,
to help him with directions,
maybe, I don’t know
but it’s just hard
because I know he has it tougher
but I’m alone here too
I’m even away from my own life
I don’t know what my husband
is doing right now
I haven’t seen him in weeks
and I’m taking care
of my father
and my mother just died
and I can’t cry to my father
he probably feels more alone than me
but at times like this
I feel like I’m the one
that’s alone now
it’s my role, you see
tell their first born son
 my brother
that his mother just died
and I have to keep a clear head
and I have to be the organized one
and I have to make everything better
when everything is falling apart
it’s just hard
Copyright Janet Kuypers.
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