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killing the tired 2005started 08/30/98, converted to prose 09/25/05I know I should be able to do much better than this. I know that people should be leaving me free money, but I dont know what to do with myself. I should have people showering me with attention all the time, since everyone has nothing better to do with their time.
Why do I think everyone has it harder than me?
I had a headache for over 6 hours, and no medication helped in the past 6 hours. Nothing gets better for me. I should have known that would have happened I should have known that in advance.
Its almost two in the afternoon and theres nothing to eat for lunch in the fridge. I wish my soul makes an ounce of sense, I hate it when people dont make any sense, so apparently their ideas are well, the lord and master. I wish more things in the world made sense. Then Id be able to make more sense out of things. Thats what Id say.
Sometimes I wish it would just be easier if someone just killed me and got the whole process overwith, or if I could be forced to live into old age. I dont know if either option would ever be anything to me. Everyone else has control over my decisions, my choices, and my life. Thats it. That seems natural. Sometimes I think that all people are just out to get me. Sometimes I think people just want me to be unhappy all the time. That would seem natural. I think I want to be unsappy all the time, anyway. That would be fitting. So to speak. I know I am better than all the fake paintings and all the fake meanings that means nothing to anyone, I know I am better than so much around here, and now I dont have a job, and now I dont have any money, and now I cant even have a good argument with someone about religion, or philosophy, or something I might have learned in school once. This is how it gets when you get older. When you wait for age to tear you apart. Thats what life is all about. Get ready for it.
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