Not For Me Yet 2005

started 11/15/98. converted to prose 09/26/05

There are so many things that I want to remember, and so many things I want to remember about you. I don’t know if I choose to remember things in a certain way or if I see them the way everyone else does...
I’m sure it’s not like that. I’m sure I come into any given situation with certain ideas with certain hopes with certain fears.
And all the hopes and fears never happen that way for me.
I’m used to that too, you know.
You started to rub my back today before you guys were about to take the long drive home, and I even had to say out loud that I didn’t want this to end, that I was enjoying this too much. Well, I knew it was because I wanted you near me, and I didn’t know how to ask for that. I didn’t want to tell you that you shouldn’t go.
I had no security yet from you. I had no assurances yet either. And nothing was resolved.
Not for me yet
And I always have hopes, I know that I do. I know that all my hopes never amount to anything, and you’ll always look at life differently. This I know
But that doesn’t mean that I can’t hope things are different.