Suspend My Beliefs 2005
started 11/14/98, converted to prose 09/27/05
and I dont know what the answers are supposed to be anymore. Im tired of looking for the answers sometimes, you know, and sometimes I just want someone to come along and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that they are going to be there for me and that theyll take care of me. And that theyll love me.
And when I say love, I dont mean the kind of garbage that you hear people say to each other when they dont even know what love is. Im talking real love, lifetime love the kind of love that doesnt go away.
Well, as I was saying, I want someone to come along and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that everything will get better and you know, just hearing someone say that and mean it would be enough.
Id then be able to suspend my beliefs for a moment.
So what should I make out of this world? What should I make out of this world that doesnt make sense? What should I make out of it?
I can hope, I suppose, but Ive done that for years, and it gets me no where.
This whole Òbelief thing,Ó in things you have no proof of, really doesnt get you anywhere. Ive learned that much.
So what do I want?
I want someone to come along and let me not think for a while. Someone to come along and excite me and make me feel alive but makes me feel that Im safe.
I havent felt that in so long.
Ive wanted you to be a part of my life in so many ways, for so many years now, and I think Ive wanted it for so long and Ive never told you. Well, maybe I should have told you when you would have wanted to hear it so many years ago.
And then maybe I wouldnt feel so lonely for you and maybe I wouldnt want so much more from you.
And maybe then things would be different.
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Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
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