Seeing a Psychiatrist:
Hopelessness and Futility
I talked to a licensed psychiatrist recently about the problems I’ve been having lately. She looked through my medical records as I explained the living on varying medication that didn’t help with the swelling in my joints, making it hard for me to even effectively do the non-profit work I do, since I haven’t been able to hold a job in my profession since the near fatal car accident a decade ago.
And how does this make you feel? she would ask.
Well, it has emotionally been very difficult, I’d say.
After looking at my records, she said, It says here the doctors informed your sister that you would be more emotional after the brain injury you suffered in the car crash.
Yes, that’s what they said.
But before the accident, I felt like I was invincible, succeeding in my profession in my 20s, having control in my life. But only after the accident have I ever even considered the idea of suicide, or of genuinely wishing I was dead.
Continuing to look over my medical records, she said, It seems that you have survived so much already, and what you’re going through is entirely normal. The accident was severe, but you made a miraculous recovery. The worst part is over, and things will get better.
That’s how she finished our session. But she never explained how to cope with all of the feelings of hopelessness and futility.
Copyright © 2008 Janet Kuypers.
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