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This writing is publishe in the July 2010 issue of cc&d magazine. To order this, click on the link below:

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Deep Throat

Michael Ceraolo

Strange
to think that a pseudo-clever code name
that was the name of a popular-at-the-time porn movie
could ever be seated at the children’s table of history,
but
there it is
For years
guessing the true identity of the famous anonymous source
was a popular parlor game for people of power,
until
2005 and the big reveal,
the solving of the mystery more than thirty years old
And
the man’s name was Mark Felt
And then
came the continued children’s-table prating,
the lame debate among statists of various tripes:
‘liberals’ proclaiming him a hero for helping to bring down the hated Nixon,
while
the ‘conservative’ attack dogs of that and subsequent administrations
decried him as a traitor for revelaing their machinations
I proclaim them both wrong,
or,
maybe,
both partially right,
though
not for the reasons either intended
Here’s the sordid saga of sour grapes and pseudo-heroism

Felt had worked (wormed?) his way up the hierarchy,
becoming
the Associate Director of the FBI, the #2 man,
under Hoover’s successor L. Patrick Gray,
but
then retiring/resigning after not getting the top job himself
after his bumbling boss Gray was forced to resign
(possibly
the Nixonites suspected Felt of leaking information
to the ‘hated’ Washington Post)
Hero or traitor?
You make the call

Hoover dies
Felt helps Hoover’s secretary destroy
17, 750 pages contained in 167 files,
unofficial (secret) files,
while
simultaneously proclaiming
“the Bureau doesn’t have any secret files”
and
“There’s no serious problem if we lose some papers
I don’t see anything wrong and I still don’t”
(okay,
grammar’s obviously not his strong suit)
Later,
he and others burglarize
(euphemistically called black-bag jobs)
on 9 separate occcasions
the homes of suspected members of the Weather Underground
or members of their families,
never once
gaining anything that led to a capture
(dishonest and inefficient: nic combination)
for which,
in 1978,
Felt and others
were indicted;
they
“did unlawfully, willingly, and knowingly
combine, conspire, confederate
and agree together and with each other
to injure and oppress citizens of the United States . . .
in the free exercise and enjoyments
of certain rights and privileges secured to them
by the Constitution and the laws
of the United States of America”
(I agree,
some legal minds don’t write any better than Felt speaks)
Convicted,
after a trial where Nixon,
slithering out of the slime of his disgrace,
made his first post-resignation court appearance
by testifying for the defense
(crimes against ‘radicals’ are okay,
but
Nixon crossed the line in committing crimes
against the other half of the Ruling Party)
And,
as well,
five former Attorney Generals testified for Felt
And yet,
amazingly,
he was still convicted,
though
he was pardoned in early 1981
by Ronnie Raygun
“I feel very excited and just so pleased
that I can hardly contain myself”
Nixon
sent along champagne and a note
“Justice ultimately prevails”
“You did what you thought was in the best interests of the country
and someone on technical grounds indicted you”
Now,
at death’s door,
Felt felt
it was time for him to cash in,
to
reap the rewards of his wrongdoing

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