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This writing was accepted for publication in the 84 page perfect-bound issue... Down in the Dirt magazine (v097) (the August 2011 Issue) You can also order this 5.5" x 8.5" issue as an ISSN# paperback book:						This writing also appears in this 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback “Catch Fire in the Treetops” Order this 6" x 9" ISBN# book:

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A Lesson in Autonomy

Emma Eden Ramos

    Bryn watched as her father entered the facility. She picked at a scab on her knuckle, then looked at the on-duty supervisor for assurance. This particular meeting was a condition of her approaching release. Otherwise, Bryn would never have agreed to it.
    He’s that type of grey, Bryn thought as she watched her father approach the information desk. Silvery with smears of white and flecks of black; Amphibolite.
    ‘Hi daddy, daddy-o, sugar daddy’ she could say. ‘Did you miss me? Your little girl, your sweet little piece of...’ No. That wasn’t the purpose of this visit. In fact, that animosity was exactly what Bryn intended to put behind her. Once. And. For. All.
    “Bryn... Brynlee!”, his stride was assured, facial expression confident. “Are you well? Are they treating you well here?”
    “They treat me well here... Dad. I’m fine.”
    “May I?”, his arms were extended, expectant.
    Bryn capitulated to the hug, then they sat.
    “I know you’ve had some trouble,” he began. “trouble with the law. Drugs, some trouble with drugs?”
    “Meth dad. I went to Utah and you know what they say about Utah, Meth Central. And all those Mormons, self-righteous, holy, pedoph... But I’ve kicked. I’ve kicked the habit and they say I’ll be ready to leave here in a month. Well, thats the hope at least.”
    “I know. I know that was why this needed to happen. Us, we needed to do this.”
    “Me, dad, I needed to do this.”
    Bryn watched as her father’s gaze flattened. He began to fidget. How strange it must be, she thought. How strange for him to see that, after seven years of estrangement, she’d finally developed a sense of autonomy. They, daddy and Brynlee, they’d been the ultimate twosome. But things had changed. She was Bryn now, not dependent little Brynlee.
    “Dad, you know” Bryn continued, “the center and I, we have different ideas about progression. I think the past has it’s place, I mean you don’t deny that it happened, but you put it behind you. Well, they’re all about confronting the past here.”
    “I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at.” Bryn’s father’s expression was no longer one of dejection, he was alarmed.
    “The rape dad, I’m getting at the rape.”
    “Oh, no. Brynlee, there was never any rape. I don’t know what kind of ideas they have here but rape means force. I never forced you. I loved you and you loved me.”
    ‘No. No dad it was rape because it was nonconsensual. A twelve year old cannot consent to the things we did. Those things... I” Bryn caught herself before the first bout of tears could make their way down her cheeks. She blinked, threw her head back, sniffled, breathed deeply and then continued.
    “Dad, I won’t argue about this. You should know that you can’t argue, that you won’t change my mind. You can’t change whats in... the things that are in my mind now. They are mine. They are mine and this is it. We are done, forever.”

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