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the Automobile

John Ragusa

    Last week, my car was having transmission trouble, so I put it in the garage to get it fixed. It cost me a lot, but it was worth the money because then it was running okay.
    The next day, I was eating at a cheap restaurant when I saw my girlfriend Pearl walk in with a man on her arm. I almost had a conniption fit.
    I considered going right up to her then and telling her, “It’s over between us.” But I didn’t want the other patrons to hear me, so I didn’t do it.
    After lunch, I got into my car and drove home. While I was driving, I called my brother Gino on my cell phone.
    “You’ll never guess what I saw at a restaurant earlier today,” I told him.
    “What did you see?” Gino asked.
    “I spotted Pearl walking in with another man. I really wanted to kill her.”
    “You’ll get over it.”
    “I suppose I will.” I hung up. Soon I reached my house.
    The next morning, I went to get in my car to drive to work. I saw a dent and some blood on it. I figured someone had taken my car and hit another person with it.

    But I’d taken the car key inside with me the night before. I was puzzled.
    That night, I watched the news on the TV and heard that Pearl Hoskins had been killed in a hit and run accident the day before. Could she have been struck by someone driving my car?
    I thought it must have been coincidence.
    Later that day, I went to a convenience store to buy some cigarettes. The cashier, a guy named Julio, shortchanged me. He made it worse by insisting that he’d given me the correct change. I asked to talk to the manager, and he gave me the right change.
    But I was still mad at the cashier when I left the store. While driving back home, I told Gino on my cell phone that Julio didn’t deserve to live.
    The following day, I washed and vacuumed my car. The day after, I went to my car to get to work, and I noticed blood on the fender again. Someone must have driven it and hit a person a second time.
    I thought of telling the police about it, but they’d probably think I was the hit and run driver, so I changed my mind.
    Later, I washed the fender once again.
    I couldn’t understand what was going on. It was a mystery.
    Shortly after, I read the newspaper and learned that Julio Gomez had been killed by a driver who left the scene after the accident happened.
    So two people whom I wanted dead were hit by my car. It couldn’t be a coincidence.
    Then a weird thought came to me. Twice I had told my brother on my cell phone that I wanted people to die, and both times it was in my car. Could it be that my car was alive, and had a mind of its own? Had it heard me say that Pearl and Julio should be dead? Had it run over them to return the favors I had done for it? Getting the transmission fixed and washing the car might have been acts that it appreciated.
    I know it was incredible, but there wasn’t any other explanation for it. I owned a living car, and it was homicidal.
    I planned on selling it at first, but then I realized that buying another car would be too expensive. So I decided not to sell it.
    One good thing about the vehicular killings was that I had an alibi when both of them were committed, so the police didn’t think that I had done them.
    I didn’t think it would happen again.

    There’s a bright, new employee at the office where I work. His name is Cornell Crosby. He’s an ambitious young man who’s moving up the ranks by flattering our boss. I believe he’ll try to take my job, eventually.
    I think I’ll get a new paint job on my car. I’ll call Gino while I’m driving and say that Cornell should die. I figure my car will pay me back by running him over.
    That makes sense; after all, doesn’t one good turn deserve another?

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