This writing was accepted for publication in the 84 page perfect-bound issue... Down in the Dirt magazine (v110) (the September 2012 Issue) You can also order this 5.5" x 8.5" issue as an ISSN# paperback book:

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Burning

Annabelle Dura

    It burns. I like it. I can feel it spread through my body with each pump of the heart. I know it’s wrong, but the sinfulness feels good. I like it. It numbs the outside world. All of the pain and sorrow. Every rejected feeling. Every bit of sadness. It slips away, leaving me in darkness. It feels good.
    Most would be scared. But not me. I welcome it with open arms. In fact, I love it. It will probably be the only thing I ever love. It’s the only thing that deserves my love. It is a part of me.
    I slow down. Every beat of my eye lids pulls me further and further away. Leaving everything behind. It feels so good. I close my eyes. I can only see darkness, letting me feel the full blast of it. Everything melts in the background and I become present, in the moment. That’s where I want to be.
     I smile. I’m sick. But I like it. It feels good to escape, to let go and leave my tortured self in reality, to let my soul wander through dimensions of my unconsciousness.... Through the abyss of the unknown...
    People just don’t get it. Humans are cruel, selfish and unforgiving people. I know because I am surrounded by them, I live with them.....and I am one of them. They’ll never know they are the reason. They’ll never know what they have done to me. No – it will be idea – my fault – until they die they throw dirt over me in my grave. Until the day I die, they will never know, until maybe when they miss me, they’ll think, and realize it was their fault that I ended up like this. And this is why, you see, I have to get away. I have to get away from the noose they have around my neck every day. The shackles around my legs and arms, cold metal, and its everlasting grip.
    I have learned how to get out of them. I have learned how to escape.
    I’m lost now, my body is numb and abandoned. I’m finally free. I’m finally severed from the hostile world that holds me as a tortured prisoner of the war that I fight every day. They thought they could hold me down! Those people on that God forsaken planet. In that country; in that town! They thought I couldn’t escape! But I have! They were wrong.
    I’m falling. Something is chasing me. Something bad, I can feel it. I open my eyes. The people around are twisted and strange looking. Contorted figures surround me. I’m slipping back into reality. I have to do it again. I have to have it. Where is it? It hurts. The burning cools down and the pain is coming back. Anxiety, anger and fear follow. A sharp physical pain pierces my side. Where is it?
    Another breath. More burning. I feel good again. My body excitedly absorbs it. It moves through me. Taking me away again.
    They have forced me to be this way. They have forced me to do this. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be as lost as I am now. But I’ll do anything for my freedom. Anything to escape.

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