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A Healthy Gay Man and True Friend

Dr. (Ms.) Michael S. Whitt

    Professor Amanda Rosaleigh Blake entered her late afternoon-early evening graduate class a few minutes before 4 o’clock. A progressive by inclination, heritage, and environment, Amanda often “made waves” for the several reactionaries in the Schools of Education and of Arts and Sciences with which she had a joint appointment. She was an angel for the strong minority of progressive students who found their way into the helping professions.
    Dr. Blake began introducing the course, “Education in Modern Society.” This class was an interdisciplinary one involving the integration of many areas of knowledge. This integration was focused upon the social, economic, and political problems facing those in education and other helping professions, such as rehabilitation professionals, counselors, and administrative services. The areas of knowledge included the qualitative dimensions of the human sciences, the arts, humanities, philosophy, logic, mythology, and any other knowledge pertinent to the problems at hand. As she was introducing the course and the perspectives and processes from which it would proceed, she noticed a dark, handsome young man. He seemed quite interested in what she was saying. When she made comments about Jung and Freud that were mildly critical of Freud, the young man’s hand shot up. Amanda recognized him.
    He said in a spirited voice tone, “Dr Blake, I think, you’re being unfair to Freud.”
    Amanda understood that he had partially misinterpreted the points she made about psychoanalysis, “I understand why you might think that and in a certain sense you’re correct. However, my point was in no way a put down Freud in favor of Jung, except in a quite limited sense. In the area of the unconscious, both thinkers did an enormous amount of creative work. Jung is especially strong in the area of repression when it results in a shadow personality. Overall, I think that Freud is the stronger of the two thinkers.” He smiled and mouthed, “Thank you.” Amanda had a feeling that this young man and she would have a productive and enjoyable friendship while he was at Central Alabama University. After she dismissed class, he made a bee-line toward Amanda.
    “Dr. Blake, I’m Ralph Aarons, a new doctoral student in Counselor Education.”
    “Welcome Ralph. I hope you like it here. It has its disadvantages. So far though, extreme progressive that I am, I find they are outweighed by the advantages.”
    “That’s good to know,” Ralph said. “I need to talk with you. You’re the first person I’ve met so far with whom I feel comfortable to discuss some sensitive personal and professional issues.”
    “I’m a little scattered when I teach one of these classes at this wretched time of day. What about tomorrow?” Amanda asked.
    “Would 2 o’clock be alright?”
    “Perfect.”
    Both parties to the budding friendship thought of the other before the appointment. At home, Amanda thought, my new friend is a beautiful human being. He is dark and handsome, and trim. I can’t wait to talk with him. He is one of the most promising good friends and interesting students I’ve met in a long while.
    Ralph thought about his new professor walking to his apartment in one of the married students units. Ralph was not married, but there were more apartments than were needed to house married students; all graduate students were eligible. Ralph was gay and potentially bisexual. He had to work through some things regarding his relationship with his mother, before this could become an actuality. He began to think of his new professor friend.
    He mused out loud, “Man if I were heterosexual or actively bisexual I could surely go for that fox—that tall, slender, healthy woman with all of that gorgeous curly brown hair with golden and reddish highlights. Her eyes burn into mine with authenticity and intensity, and are the most turquoise hued eyes I’ve ever seen.
    Amanda was in the office the next afternoon at 1:30. She had some things to do before Ralph’s appointment. As she was finishing the tasks, Ralph stuck his head in the door.
    “Hi Dr. Blake.”
    “Come in, Friend. Have a chair or if you want you can look around the office to get to know me. My politics and philosophy are displayed all over the office and also the door.”
    After he looked for a while, Ralph said, “They look completely in harmony with mine.”
    “I figured that from the first time we spoke. I get the feeling you needed to ask some questions about this new place. You’re an advanced graduate student. I tell students of that status to address me by first name, Amanda, if they feel comfortable doing it.”
    “Oh good, I love your name.”
    “I do too,” she replied. Not because it’s my name. I fell in love with a character of that name in Tom Robbins novel, Another Roadside Attraction, my favorite contemporary novel.”
    Ralph was beaming, “What a coincidence. That book is how I got into your name. She is a perfect female character with respect to higher levels of development. She is full of love, her tastes are quite broad, especially her erotic ones; she is the quintessantly bisexual woman.”
    “Well said,” Amanda replied.
    “Thanks. This brings me to the main question I wanted to ask you. At present I’m living the life of a gay person. I put the time qualification in because if I were completely healthy psychologically, I would broaden out and be who I am in the broadest sense, a bisexual androgynous man.”
    “What happened to your development, Ralph?” Amanda asked. “Not that there is anything wrong with being gay only.”
    “I had an evil Jewish mother. There are three children in our family. Two of us are gay. The other gay one is my younger sister. Two of us, my older sister and I, have told her when she really acted out hatefully, that we hated her. It was after she got hit with this that she finally began to change, but it’s a struggle.”
    “Oh my friend, I’m sorry to hear these tragic things. Still, you’re developed enough both on your erotic aspects and your related spiritual dimension that you can overcome this kind of abuse. I like to call full sexual development, ‘polymorphous perversity,’ and the related high level of spiritual development, ‘cosmic consciousness.’ They are sort of two sides of the same coin.”
    “A-A-Amanda. Oops I’m not used to calling my professors by their first names, but I’ll get comfortable with it soon. I agree and my development is headed in the direction of polymorphous perversity as well as cosmic consciousness. Until I got out of the relationship I was in, while working on my masters at City College of New York and working for a psychiatrist, I tended to fall for pretty blonde Anglo-Saxon boys. That is who my mother unconsciously wanted me to be.”
    “That’s rough.”
    “Every time I find a woman to whom I’m attracted, somehow her face gets in there. I freak out. I mean things are going swell. There are good intense passionate feelings, and then in floats that bitch’s face. It’s nightmarish.”
    “I’ll bet! I’m sure you’re wondering about the attitude towards gays on campus. I’m happy to report there’s little homophobia. There are some gay professors and some department chairpersons and, at least, one dean. In fact the Dean of Education is a gay man; not a very healthy one, I hate to report. However, healthy gay men in greater numbers seem to be showing up as the gay liberation movement grows stronger. You have some problems, Ralph, but you are healthy and you can overcome them.”
    “It’s good to hear that from someone like you. I’m sure you know what you’re talking about. I’m going to need a little bit of help from you on the relationship aspect of things. Oh yes, on our professional relationship, would you serve on my doctoral committee?”
    “I thought you’d never ask. I’m full of non-absolute tips on relationships. Over the past few years, I’ve gone through a divorce, for me a happy one. I had numerous relationships, but I had met my soul mate before the breakup happened. We were just starting at that time, but he seems to be the one with whom I can share an honest, loving life.”
    “That sounds wonderful. I’m coming off a break-up that never could have worked.”
    Amanda replied, “You can move from where you are and develop in your relationships. In hindsight, I realize that’s what I’ve been doing in mine at least the last three major ones. You find it’s a process of evolution when you commit yourself to the process.”
    Ralph smiled and said, “I now fully and freely make that commitment. Thank you, Amanda, I’m happier than *’ve been in a long time.”
    Depth-charged, Amanda opened her arms as Ralph opened his. They sealed their profound relationship with a hug. It was the beginning of multi-faceted and beautiful friendship. The two began to have regular dialogue regarding politics, relationships sexual and otherwise, the problem of greed in U.S. society, and much more. They spent time in the rural areas wading in the creeks and exploring the woodlands.
    After Ralph had been at CAU for two months, he brought a friend, Allen Steinberg, who was active in the gay rights’ movement. Allen had been looking forward to meeting Amanda. From what Ralph had said, she would be a perfect sponsor for a campus gay, lesbian, and bisexual organization he hoped to get started. He and Ralph came to her office a few minutes before her Thursday seminar in Philosophy of Education in America. “May we come in?” Ralph asked.
    “Of course,” Amanda replied. “Who’s your new friend?”
    “This is Allen Steinberg. He’s been wanting to meet you. He’s heavily involved with the gay rights movement on campus and at the capitol. He hopes to talk with you about a liberation project he has in mind.”
    “It’s good to meet you, Allen. You all must be new acquaintances.”
    “We are,” Allen said. “In fact we met at gays’ singles meeting night before last. Actually Dr. Blake, I have a project I’d like to speak to you about. Do you have a few minutes?”
    “I do,” Amanda said. “What’s up?”
    “I want to start a gay liberation student chapter. We have to have ten students’ signatures and a faculty sponsor. Would you consider being ours?”
    “-I-I’m flattered, and will accept if you’re sure that’s what you want. I’m androgynous spiritually, but thus far I’ve been only heterosexual in my erotic relationships.”
    Allen said quickly, “We don’t care. You understand us and our purposes better than any of our several gay profs and two gay administrators. They are from the previous generation, and the ones here are somewhat scared.”
    “That won’t do,” Amanda said. “I’d be delighted to serve. We do have to get ten signatures before we can apply for the status of a campus organization.”
    When the three new friends parted, they had no doubt that ten signatures could easily be obtained. As Allen and Ralph tried to collect signatures, only one was forthcoming. After canvassing the gay population he called Amanda and told her the grim news. All three were extremely disappointed, and none of them understood these irrational, cowardly fears.
    Amanda and Ralph’s friendship continued to grow. They spent much time together sharing meals and having conversations on the lobbying work Allen and Ralph were doing in Montgomery for gay rights, and that Amanda was doing on women’s issues, especially prochoice on abortion. They also shared personal concerns with respect to ongoing and possible erotic relationships. During the two years Ralph studied for his doctorate, he had several failed relationships.
    During one of their conversations he said to Amanda, “I wonder if I’ll ever find a soul mate. You recently found Michael and he’s a dream.”
    “You will and soon if you don’t give up on yourself. You are a wonderful person, and male or female, there are many persons out there who would jump at the chance of being your soul mate.”
    Ralph finished his course work for his degree with flying colors. Amanda and his chairperson, Mary Lou McKean supported his desire to do his dissertation on homophobia. The three men on the committee objected strenuously at first. This topic seemed to threaten them, but Ralph, Mary Lou, and Amanda were adamanent.
    Meanwhile, an awful thing happened to Ralph as a result of that problem. Ralph applied for a practicum in Student Development Services on campus. Meanwhile he went out with an unbalanced, wacky graduate student. He called Ralph to go out again
    Ralph said, “I don’t think you and I are suitable to date each other. Thank you for calling though.”
    The young man slammed the phone down. The next thing Ralph knew the head of Student Development, Ed Crouch, a former minister, called Ralph to his office.
    He said, “A young man you dated came in for counseling. He indicated you abused him badly. I believe him. You’ll have to find another practicum.” Shocked and hurt, Ralph talked to his female committee members. To his surprise, both of them interpreted the situation identically.
    In Amanda’s words, “I don’t know him well. I do know him well enough to guess what may have happened. I think he has homosexual impulses which are unhealthy because they are repressed. He projected them on you as an excuse to cancel out.”
     “Darn, Dr. McKean said the same things. She is getting me another one, but, oh Amanda, I’ve got to go to Sylacauga each week, a 120 miles round trip.”
    The third week Ralph drove to Sylacauga, he had a blowout going 50 MPH on a wet road. Somehow the front door on the drivers’ side snapped off his car. He found himself scooting along outside the out of control car. He managed to escape serious injury, but his car was totaled. Since he had no means of transportation, Amanda sold him her 1966 Volkswagen beetle for $400. It was old, but it had recently had a new engine installed.
    Ralph finished all course work and his dissertation in time to graduate in Aug. 1988, only two years. His parents came from California to participate in their son’s triumph. Ralph had a new relationship with a young man, Kevin. It seemed promising to everyone involved.
    One night the parents, Ralph, and Kevin visited Amanda. Michael was still living in Columbus, and taught a class that night. The conversation was cordial. Ralph’s father was a sweet, upbeat, and funny man, who owned a large furniture store in Los Angeles. Amanda could see what Ralph meant when she watched his mother. She was trying hard to be different, and she seemed to finally be successful. Kevin seemed okay to Amanda.
    Everything went smoothly with graduation and employment. Ralph and Kevin, a botany researcher by training and occupation, moved to Little Rock. Ralph had a job as a psychologist in a children’s hospital. Kevin got a full-time job teaching botany and biology at a community college in Little Rock. Amanda had heard from Ralph a couple of times, and learned that he had started a private practice for gays and lesbians. He still worked at the hospital part-time.
    She was surprised when she received a call from the graduate Dean’s Office regarding a meeting about a sentence in the “Acknowledgements Section” of Ralph’s dissertations. When Amanda arrived at the meeting she discovered that Ralph had written what everyone except Mary Lou, her, and the Graduate Dean, Peter Sparks, thought was an insulting remark about Ed Crouch.
    Actually, Ralph was perfect. He acknowledged Crouch “for making him aware of the role of organized religion has played in encouraging and promoting homophobia.” That sentence cannot be interpreted as an insult to anyone. The meaning of the acknowledgement was unclear. Amanda became amused when one of the members present, the chairperson of counselor education read the letter Ralph had written explaining the remark in the context of the way the situation had come about. She and Mary Lou thought the whole thing was absurd. Except for Peter, all of the other men were falling all over themselves apologizing to Rev. Ed. They included, in addition of to the department chairperson, the Assistant Graduate Dean, Professors Joe Greene, and Brad Johnson. The latter two were the other two members of his committee.
    Joe, a psychology Professor, said, “For my part, I want to apologize for Ralph. His behavior is inexcusable.” Etc.
     Ed said unctuously, “I can’t believe anyone would say I have a problem working with homosexuals. What happened with Ralph and me had nothing to do with his being gay.”
    Amanda rolled her eyes. As she did, Peter caught her glance. She knew in this instant that Peter firmly believed that Ed is homophobic, and that the rest of the men were making fools of themselves. Peter was obviously not shocked at the contents of Ralph’s letter. In it he told all including what Mary Lou and Amanda said about Ed’s projections on Ralph. Peter let them go on for a few more minutes.
    During this time another insane remark was made by Hugh Dunham, the Assistant Grad. Dean, “Ed, you’re aren’t going to be satisfied with a mere personal retraction. You want make it clear that organized religion doesn’t promote homophobia. Right?”
    “Indeed I do.” Ed replied.
    Amanda and Mary Lou had been silent during this pathetic display. They and Peter were thinking some variation of, man is this ever an example of “Me thinks they protest too much.” Peter smiled at Amanda.
    He spoke for the first time, “I don’t see why we’re doing through all of this. If a person objects to anything in an “Acknowledgments” part, we remove it even if only refers to the loan of a piece of equipment.”
    That stopped the meeting and took all of the strength out of Ed and his buddy’s protests. They were left flat on the level of a piece of equipment. Mary Lou and Amanda left the meeting giggling on the inside. Justice had been served thought the three silent ones.
    A few months later in mid summer, Ralph and a new lover stopped by Amanda’s house. Amanda thought to herself after meeting him, this is Ralph’s soul mate. I know it. Michael Demian Randolph, Amanda’s soul mate, and his brother Walter were there. Michael joined the fun as he, Amanda, and Ralph discussed the situation with Ralph and Ed. They agreed that it turned out as well as possible. Chris, Ralph’s new lover and Walter when hearing about the situation agreed this was pure karma.
     Walter and Ralph had a fascinating conversation. Like Ralph and Kevin, Walter and his first wife went through a painful break-up. Walter had recently remarried.
    Ralph exclaimed to Walter, “Man, that’s totally amazing!”
    Walter smiled and told the others, “Ralph and I have been comparing notes on our former abusive relationships with Kevin and Lulu. There’s not a penny’s worth of difference between homosexual and heterosexual couples, at least in the area of abuse by one’s partner. Let the homophobes explain that one.”
    They all left happy and inspired. Ralph and Chris were headed for London to fulfill long time fantasies. Amanda and Michael received a postcard from them in a few weeks. They were fine and having a gay old time; no pun intended. That’s the last time they heard from them. They are hoping Ralph and Chris will read this story and make contact.



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