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Bathtub

Keith Kelly

    “Do you know where my car keys are baby girl?”
    “My guess is where you left them last, that being up your ass.”
    “Ha ha, too funny.”
    “I’ll help you look. What’s the deal, you never lose the keys, by the way how did you sleep last night?”
    “Not so good, weird fucking dreams.”
    “Oh yea, what about?”
    “Uhh... something about a woman and a man looking through an old shed. They found a potion allowing them to switch bodies so they could understand what each other are thinking and why they did certain things.”
    “That’s a weird dream. If people could switch places for a day, it would help us all get along better. Would you want to be me, your beautiful girlfriend?”
    “I doubt so because if I was I’d have to deal with me, that’s something I wouldn’t like much.”
    “You’re not so bad to deal with babe, you’re pretty laid back and easy going. What about me? Am I easy to deal with?”
    “Oh no, that’s a trick question baby girl. I’m not answering that, especially since I am running late and have lost the keys. I don’t want a heavy conversation.”
    “Come on answer me.”
    “Ok, ok, mostly you are easy going, but sometimes you get in these difficult moods and can be rude.”
    “Yea I’ve been told that before and am trying to be better.”
    “You are fine baby girl; I love you just the way you are. Where the hell can those damn keys be?”
    “You didn’t lock them in the car did you?”
    “No I had them last night in the kitchen. Never mind, that’s where they are, by the sink. Yep here they are, I gotta go. Love you baby girl.”
    “Love you to babe.”

     “What are you doing back babe?”
    “Now the car won’t start.”
    “What are you going to do, are you going to go to work?”
    “I guess, but I already missed my meeting, but it wasn’t crucial that I be there.”
    “Well, stay home with me today and we can hang out.”
    “I guess I can. By the time I get the new battery it’ll be noon anyway.”
    “So go get the battery and come back for brunch and a movie.”
    “Ok, be back in an hour.”

    “Baby girl I’m back.”
    “How’d it go, did the car start ok?”
    “Yep, good as new.”
    “Cool. What do you want to do this afternoon?”
    “Oh I am up for anything.”
    “We could take a bath and you can tell me how beautiful I am.”
    “We don’t need to take a bath for me to tell you that, but a bath sounds nice.”

    “The water is perfect babe.”
    “Well, I know how my beautiful girl likes the bath water.”
    “So do you really feel I am rude all the time?”
    “What! I never said all the time, I said sometimes.”
    “Am I rude a lot?”
    “No, but when you get rushed or frustrated over something, you take it out on me.”
    “I don’t mean to, it’s automatic.”
    “That’s ok; I got my own shit that you have to deal with.”
    “Yes you do babe.”
    “Damn, no hesitation there.”
    “Well, sorry but...”
    “So what do I do that gets on your nerves?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Yes you do, do tell.”
    “Sometimes you act as if you’re better than everybody else.”
    “No I don’t.”
    “Yes babe you do. When you told me I was rude I accepted it and told you I’m aware of it and am working on the issue. When I tell you something about your behavior, you deny it.”
    “Fuck, your right; it’s hard to admit my faults though.”
    “Me to, but we all got em’, people who don’t own up are the most fucked up of all.”
    “I agree.”
    “So babe, in thinking about your dream last night what’s the first thing you’d do, if we switched bodies?”
    “Hmmm, if I were you, I’d give me a blowjob.”
    “You are a perv.”
    “Or I’d sit around and play with my tits all day and never leave the house.”
    “You are such a man.”
    “Yes I am.”
    “Be serious.”
    “Ok baby girl, let’s see, I love you and I like the way you are. But still I’d fantasize.”
    “About?”
    “Oh let’s see, for starters, I would eat your friend Julie and be her lesbian lover.”
    “That’s funny because I’ve wondered what it would be like to les out with her.”
    “No way baby girl, are you serious?”
    “Yep, but I will never act on it so don’t get so excited.”
    “What if you were me, being the awesome man I am.”
    “That’s easy, I would be more sensitive.”
    “What do you mean, I’m sensitive.”
    “You do pretty well, but sometimes you don’t realize how rough your tone is, and it hurts my feelings.”
    “Ohhh I am sorry, I will try to work on my harsh tone.”
    “Ok babe... So do you think we are compatible?”
    “What?”
    “Do you think we will be this close forever?”
    “Well, I sure hope so. I can’t imagine being this close with anyone else. It’s been two months since we met, can you believe that?”
    “Yes, it’s hard to believe. Do you like me more than your other girlfriends?”
    “Jesus, that’s a trick question, I’m not sure how to answer that.”
    “Well either yes or no, will be good.”
    “It’s hard to answer because we’ve not known each other that long, and I care for you differently than them, because yall are different people. I care for others in different ways. Don’t you?”
    “I guess so, ok, fair enough. Did you eat her pussy?”
    “Holy shit, where is this coming from, I’m embarrassed.”
    “Don’t be embarrassed, my last boyfriend ate mine.”
    “Yes I ate her out. Why are we talking about this?”
    “Isn’t this standard conversation in new relationships after a few months of getting familiar with each other?”
    “I guess, but it’s catching me off guard. Ok, I got a question for you baby girl?”
    “What?”
    “How many men have you slept with?”
    “Fifteen.”
    “Fifteen! are you serious?”
    “Well yes, why? How many women you been with?”
    “Six.”
    “That’s all, damn.”
    “Damn, what do you mean damn?”
    “Well men generally have more lovers than women, or at least say they do.”
    “I said I’ve been with six women, I didn’t say how many people.”
    “Oh my God, you’ve slept with men. That is so hot. So have you?”
    “Yes two men.”
    “Damn, fuck me now, I am so turned on.”
    “Yea right. You’re silly. Have you ever slept with women?”
    “A couple. I was in a committed relationship with a woman for about three years several years ago. I loved her.”
    “So baby girl, what you’re saying is that your bi?”
    “Yep, and you?”
    “No, I was just curious I guess.”
    “Your arms feel good around me in this silky warm water babe.”
    “Yep, your body feels good in my arms as well?”
    “So my handsome man was you the top or bottom with men?”
    “Bottom.”
    “What about you, were you the husband or wife in your relationship with that girl?”
    “I was the husband.”
    “Interesting, I was the wife, and you were the husband.”
    “All of this talk is making me horny babe.”
    “Me too.”
    “I know something fun.”
    “What?”
    “I strap on a cock and make love to you.”
    “Oh shit, I don’t know about that.”
    “Oh come on, fantasize that I’m your last boyfriend and say his name over and over.”
    “Fuck me, Ray, fuck me Ray. Like that?”
    “Yes, just like that.”

    “That was the best sex ever, my boo hinny is a little sore, but was great.”
    “Yes it was, thinking of you going down on a man, makes me horny as fuck. What’s the biggest you ever had up in your ass?”
    “Eight inches in my ass, about nine and a half in my mouth.”
    “You?”
    “My biggest ever is you babe. So when do I met your parents?”
    “Parents! Damn you’re full of random topics and questions today huh? You don’t want to meet my parents, they are fucked, and I would never expose you to that.”
    “You were not happy as a little boy?”
    “Hell no, I was abused.”
    “Are you serious?”
    “Unfortunately.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Well, it is what it is. And your childhood?”
    “Well, as a little girl, it could’ve been better, but could’ve been worse. My father was an alcoholic, he was a happy drunk, but undependable.”
    “Better than a mean drunk I suppose, huh baby girl? Is that why you became a therapist?”
    “Probably, it’s a field you don’t choose it chooses you.”
    “I see.”
    “And you, why did you want to be a stock broker?”
    “Because I wasn’t a good enough musician, plus I make good money.”
    “How much money do you have in the bank? I’m just kidding.”
    “I do ok, I am not ready to answer that in case you weren’t kidding, after all we’ve only known each other two months.”
    “Ok, but I’ve very little in the bank, but no debt, just want you to know where I stand.”
    “I make enough to make sure we are always ok, not a worry. Okay.”
    “Okay Mr. Man.”
    “So back to the parent’s conversation, mine are judgmental idiots; I haven’t spoken to them in years.”
    “Judgmental, let me guess they wouldn’t like their son bringing the colored girl home?”
    “Hell no, that’s why I don’t talk to em’, they never accepted the fact I like black girls, my parents are morons.”
    “Will you ever speak to them again?”
    “I don’t plan to. How do your folks feel about you seeing a white guy?”
    “Shit, they don’t care as long as I’m happy.”
    “And are you happy?”
    “I’m jubilant, and I want to see where this relationship leads.”
    “Yea, me to.”

    “We should take off every day and soak in the tub; I could hold you in my arms every day for the rest of my life.”
    “Awe babe that’s so sweet. Did you know that during the first few months of a relationship that chemicals are released in the brain mimicking drugs?”
    “Ok so what you’re saying, these feelings aren’t real?”
    “No that is not what I am saying, but during the honeymoon phase couples don’t act clearly and it’s recommended not to make any big decisions during this time.”
    “Yea I’ve heard, sure is fun though huh?”
    “Yep. The stronger the honeymoon phase of a relationship is, the stronger the overall relationship will be. I feel a couple can experience aspects of the honeymoon phase regardless of how long the relationship last.”
    “Well, that is something to look forward to then.”

    “So do you like your job as a stock broker?”
    “It’s ok, pays good, but stressful.”
    “What made you interested in being a broker?”
    “My dad was a broker before retiring, and I always found it interesting so I followed in his footsteps.”
    “That’s surprising since you don’t have a relationship with him or anything.”
    “Yea, I guess. If I could be anything I wanted I would be a racecar driver, or a porn star.”
    “Oh, shut up, I’ve known you two months, and I’ve already discovered you are shy when it comes to stuff like that. You can’t even pee if I can hear it.”
    “I know, I’m joking. So Thanksgiving is next week, what are you doing?”
    “That’s, funny I was going to ask the same thing?”
    “I won’t do much baby girl; go to sisters for dinner, that’s about it.”
    “I’m going to my parents and thought about asking if you wanted to come, but it may be a little too soon. Huh?”
    “Yea, probably, I am not ready, but soon maybe.”

    “Stand up a minute gorgeous, let me see that beautify feminine body, let me hit that ass.”
    “Again?”
    “Hell ya.”
    “Ok, just make sure you fuck the shit out of me; rock my mother-fucking world.”
    “Damn, you’re talking all gangster.”
    “Your too funny babe.”

    “That was awesome, your cock is incredible, Jesus!”
    “You’re not so bad yourself.”
    “The water is getting cold, ready to get out babe?”
    “Yea, then what do you want to do?”
    “I want to split a large pepperoni pizza and eat a whole bag of Hershey’s kisses, watch a movie, and take a long nap.”
    “That sounds awesome, what an awesome day; I’m never going back to work.”

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