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How I Lived To Tell the Tale

Rishi Ravichandran

    Everybody thinks that they know the story of the young queen and me, Rumpelstiltskin. They think that I wanted that young queen’s child, but I didn’t. She just told everybody in her kingdom that I wanted her child so that they would come after me, an innocent bystander! What cruel, menace harms the very person who is helping them? Anyway, here’s what really happened.
    My wife asked me to go town to pick up some groceries from the kingdom’s market. As if the ones coming from our castle’s backyard isn’t up to her goddess-like standards. Anyways, I was walking through the market picking up the finest of meats, vegetables, and fruits as I came upon a very interesting detail. One of the knights was conversing and was speaking of a young maiden that was able to spin straw into gold. Now this was very interesting to hear since my fairest mistress and I are the only people that I’ve known who could spin straw into gold. Per this information, I had to insure my wife’s safety so I decided to investigate.
    I approached the knights and said, “Excuse me now sir, what is this about young lass who can spin straw into gold?”
    The knight responded while unsheathing a part of his sword, “Avast fair dweller. It is nothing of your concern. I suggest that you take your colorful groceries and walk on your merry way. We wouldn’t want any trouble now would we?”
    “Hehehe, no we wouldn’t. Say my friend, could you help me carry these bags towards me home. My old hands haven’t been able to sustain this heavy weight upon me shoulders.” I replied.
    The knight cackled, “Ha. What a pathetic loser! Can’t even carry his own groceries to his lonely home. Probably lives alone. Or worse. Lives with his mother. Let’s help this low life out. It’ll give us the chance to mock his presence even more.”
    The noble knights took hold produce as I led them towards my house. Or so they thought. I led them directly into a dark alley without them knowing I assumed from the shocked looks of their faces.
    “Hey, what’s happening? Where is your accursed house you filthy peasant?” exclaimed one of the knights.
    “Oh, did I forget to mention? I’ve led you to your miserable deaths. But first, tell me about the girl who can spin straw into gold! I may make you deaths shorter and less painful.”
    “We aren’t afraid of you!” one of the knights bravely responded.
    “You should, my friend!” After uttering those words, I grabbed the arm of one of the knights, twisted it so far back that I tore the rotator cuff and dislocated the shoulder. “I only need one of you alive to give me the information I need. So I suggest one of you do it soon.”
    The knight shrieked in pain, “An old miller told the king that his daughter can spin straw into gold. She’s locked into the king’s dungeon and will die if all the straw isn’t spun into gold by morning.”
    “Now that’s a good knight. Now say night night!” I took the necks of both knights in each arm, grabbed their faces and snapped their heads of their bodies. “That’ll teach you disrespect me again.” I said as I proceeded towards the king’s dungeon.
    When I reached the dungeon, all I heard were the weeping cries of a young lady. As I opened the dungeon doors, a sigh of relief was ushered knowing that young lass wasn’t my wife. “Why are you crying, young lassie? What must you have done to end up in the king’s ol’ dungeon?”
    Sobbing like a toddler, the lass responded, “I -I need to sp-spin this straw into g-gold by tomorrow morning oth-otherwise the king w-will cut my h-head off.”
    “I’ll tell you what dearie, I feel giving and generous today. I know and will spin all that straw into gold for you. No price at all.”
    “Really?” the young maiden sniffled.
    “Yes, child. Really.” It only took half of me day, but I spun all the straw into gold. “Well me work here is done dearie. I’ll be heading off now.”
    “Wait! Here please take this necklace with you as a token of my appreciation.”
    “Why, thank you lassie!” As I left the dungeon, I did so in sweet joy to know that my mistress hadn’t been abducted by the king. I went back to market, bought another set of produce, and departed on my merry way home. All was well in the world I thought.
    I thought wrong however. As I went to the market for the second day for another set of groceries, the locals had found the dead bodies of the knights. There I saw the king, the young girl, and perhaps the girl’s father. The girl stepped into the king’s carriage and rode away. I thought nothing of it until her father approached me.
    “You are the one who can spin the straw into gold?” he asked. I nodded with acceptance. “Please, the king has taken my daughter away again. You wouldn’t want anyone knowing who killed those knights would you? Especially the king, right?” the father blackmailed.
    “How did you know about that?” I wavered.
    “You just told me now, my friend.”
    “How will you tell anyone if you’re dead?”
    “I’ve told my daughter that if I am found missing, you would have killed me. Please, I black mail you not for your gold, but for the king. He has taken my daughter once again.” cried the father.
    “I will help your daughter, but threaten me again and you won’t be the only dead body the locals will find.” After my threat, I went back to the dungeon in order to do the task. I flung open the doors and found more straw than before. “My, my, is the king greedy.”
    “He said if I get this done, then I will be crowned his new wife and queen.” exclaimed the young girl.
    “Ah, now this becomes interesting. I will help you, but when you become queen I will want something from you in the future. Let us call this a so called favor for the future. I also would like to possess the wonderful ring on your finger. Do we have a deal?”
    “Yes! I’ll do anything.”
    “Very well then, I shall begin my work.” In a matter of hours, I spun all of the straw into gold. “Here you go dearie. All done. Watch out for I’d be coming for that favor any day now.” After spinning the gold, I left until my return two years later as the girl was crowned as the new queen.
    “Hello dearie, or should I say queenie. Remember me?”
    “Yes, you’re the one who could spin the straw into gold.”
    “Yes. Well it’s time for that favor you owe me. I want you to kill the king and write in his will that he will give his kingdom to me.”
    “What?! No, I can’t do that. I’d betray all the people of the kingdom. Why do you even need the kingdom? You can spin straw into gold. You can be the richest man in the world!”
    “It was never about the gold. It was always about hurting you the worst way possible. Remember how your foolish father blackmailed me! Afterwards, I came here to kill you, but decided plot my revenge and to make you pay!”
    “I’m with child now. I’ll give you my first born in exchange for your favor!” exclaimed the queen.
    “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Tough luck dearie. Don’t want the baby of yours. But, I feel generous today. Figure out me name and I’ll let you off the hook. You have three days’ time.” After changing our deal, I went of skipping back to my estate. I came back to the first day and the queen couldn’t guess my name. I came the second day and she couldn’t figure out. Then came the third.
    The queen asked, “Is your name Percival, Arthur, Lancelot?”
    “No, no, and no dearie!” I responded.
    “Is it Rumpelstiltskin?”
    “No! Impossible. You heard that from the devil!” I bellowed and with all my frustration and anger, I drove my foot so far into the ground that when I tried escaping from the Earth’s clutches, I broke my leg. Limping away as the guards chased me.
    So there you have it. I asked for the king’s kingdom, not the queen’s child. The queen offered her child and people think I asked for it like some pedophilic psychopath. And the queen lives on merrily while telling lies, while I get all the crap for it. How ironic is our world?

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