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on the back of a touring bike

Janet Kuypers
9/26/14

I’m not a biker bitch.
I know I’ve gone 155
on his ZX11...
I know I rode
(by choice, mind you)
for I don’t know how many miles
at night in the pouring rain
on the back of his cycle,
and I’ve been told
that initiates me
into some unwritten club
as an official biker.

(don’t ask me about the clutch,
or actually driving a motorcycle,
but apparently I’m an official biker.)

But one sunny summer day
riding on the back of his touring bike,
some pissy little car
cut right in front of us
knocking us into oncoming traffic
(yes, there were cars
driving straight towards us,
we almost crashed)
so they could cut off a motorcycle
to get to the left turn lane first.
Well,
since they forced us into oncoming traffic,
we were forced into that left turn lane too,
so we stopped at the light
right behind them,
and the bike rider
swung his leg
(while I sat at the back)
and told me to wait there
as I watched him walk toward that car.

And I was thinking,
wait,
he left me
on a running motorcycle,
I don’t know how
to make this thing move,
and what is he doing?

So I watched him
(wait, I have to first
let you know,
he’s like six foot four,
he’s a double black belt Marine,
he’s an
        imposing looking man)

So I watched him
walk to the driver’s side
of the car that cut us off, then knock
repeatedly
with almost enough force
to shatter that window
before he started
yelling
at whoever was driving that car.
I couldn’t hear if the driver
was yelling back;
I only heard
him screaming
that they could have killed us.
and they should watch for motorcycles.
And you know,
I can’t really remember
the details of what he said,
I had a motorcycle helmet on,
it was just a little freaky to watch
before he walked back
before the light changed.

And I was still in stunned mode,
but when that light did change,
that car then tried
to hit us again,
so I pushed with my hand
against the car
and he put his foot to the car
(like our limbs would block a car,
but cut us some slack,
it was instinct,
what were we supposed to do),
and the car
started then chasing us.
Apparently after we took turns
through a random subdivision,
the driver apparently
got tired of the driving taunts
and decided enough was enough
and left us alone.

Not a half hour later,
there was a knock on my door.
I opened my front door
to find a cop
asking for the motorcycle driver
by his full name.

I asked him to wait.

I told that motorcycle driver
and all six foot four of him
came to the front door —

but when he did,
the cop asked him who he was,
he confirmed his name
and then he asked him
if it would be okay
is he sat on the stoop
(because being so tall,
he didn’t want to look
imposing to the cop).

He did his best to rationally explain
what happened.

The cop then asked
if he pounded on the glass,
but he wanted the cop to understand
that the driver was the instigator.
But then the cop said
the driver of the Pontiac Sunfire
had said that the motorcycle driver yelled,
“Get out of the car you nigger cunt
so I can kick your ass!”

Which stunned my motorcycle driver,
so he responded, “Excuse me?!?
There was a woman driving the car?
I didn’t know that.”
And the cop said, wait a minute,
you were pounding on the car,
you had to see...
And he said yes, he knocked on the window,
but the driver never rolled down the window,
and he suggested to cop
look at those windows,
which were so heavily tinted
the he couldn’t see into the car.

The cop said he didn’t notice that.
Then took some notes.

I think the cop realized
that this motorcycle driver
was far to aware of his surroundings
to get in trouble with the cops.

The cop then told him
that the woman wants to press charges.
The cop then asked him,
“What would you like to do?”
Then he responded,
“As far as I am concerned,
it’s over, nobody got hurt,
everything is settled.
But if she wants to press charges, fine.
I would like to press charges
of assault with a deadly weapon
and attempted murder.
Ask her if she wants to continue.”

(Because what she did was a felony,
he also suggested to check her car
for his boot print and my hand print
in self-defense, and he reminded the cop
to check the tinting on her windows.)

The cop then said
there are a lot of crazy people out there,
and suggested
that the driver
could have had a gun...
But then the cop left,
and we never heard from the cop again.

I don’t know
what the lesson is from this.
To not succumb to road rage,
to see motorcycles,
I don’t know.
But I have to admit, from sitting
on the back of a touring bike,
it was kind of cool to see
a man defend our collective safety
by fighting a car
with his bare hands.

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