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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN#/ISBN# issue/book “Flawed Cadaver” cc&d, v278 (the December 2017 issue) Order this as a 6"x9" paperback book:  |
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Order this Janet Kuypers writing from her most recent poetry book series: (pheromemes) 2015-2017 poems Order this 6" x 9" ISBN# book today of select poems written mid-2015 - mid-2017 during her first years living in Austin, TX
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Order this writing in the issue book Language of Untamed Spirit the cc&d Sept.-Dec.2017 collection book |
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get the 4 page May-August 2017 cc&d magazine issue collection 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:
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Order this Janet Kuypers writing from her poetry book Every Event of the Year (Volume Two: July-December) Order this 286-page 7½" x 9¼" ISBN# book today of select poetry for holidays and events spanning the second half of the calendar year
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| Dilemmas in Gift Giving
Janet Kuypers 12/11/16 After a childhood of Christmases in the Chicago cold and snow, my construction company father started a retirement community in southwest Naples Florida. After that, for every Christmas me and sister Sandy, who was ten years older than me, would fly from O’hare to Fort Myers to have two weeks of fun in the sun. So in my teens, I got used to warm temperatures for carolers and no snow for the yuletide season. And even though not all five of us kids were there, I was still the youngest, so on Christmas eve, when exchanging gifts, I was the one in charge of handing out presents from under the tree for people to open. Now, I have to preface this all with the fact that I came from a prudish family; we were mild-mannered moral people. I didn’t even drink ‘til I was away at college. I didn’t even kiss a boy ‘til I was sixteen. So once on one Christmas eve, I think I was fourteen, after the carolers had come we all sat near the tree, adorned with sand dollars and red ribbons, and I started handing out presents for everyone to open. But at one point I handed a red box to my sister, as a gift that my mother obviously bought. She opened the box to see a very adult set of a bra and panties. Now, my sister was twenty-four, but this was a very forward gift from my mother. As I looked to the tree, I must have had a panicked look on my face, because my parents then asked me what the matter was. Well, at this point in time I had never kissed a boy, I don’t even know if I was wearing a training bra, so I said, well, I’m handing out these presents, and there’s another box just like the one she opened there for me too. So they told me to open it, I had to do my best to not look mortified, but at least the teddy my mom chose for me was very reserved. You know, as far as teddies go. * A few years later, I think I was leaving for college the next fall, but at present time on Christmas eve, I see a present addressed to both me and my sister. So we opened the gift. I had no idea what it was, but the box said, Epilady. Mom said it was something you could use so you wouldn’t have to shave your legs. We opened it up — the tip looked like a twisted tiny metal coil, and mom suggested we try it. So apparently when it’s plugged in, those coils vibrate and act like mass tweezers, because when I put that thing to my leg, it started yanking out, en masse, all the hair it could come near. I instantly screamed. And as I said, I didn’t drink, but I said, “do they give a bottle of bourbon with these? ‘Cause you’d have to be drunk to numb the pain...” I didn’t question sharing a hair removal device with my sister (though really, eiw...), but I thought, I’m leaving for college soon, so I said to my sister, you can keep this gift for yourself. * Years later, after living on my own and getting used to those cold Chicago winters again, I was driving to by parent’s Chicago home, and while stopped at an intersection I was struck by two cars and almost died. After I started to recover, that semed to be a good occasion to get the kids together again for Christmas. And after all these years we learned our lesson, went to a photo studio and took pictures of us girls as a gift for our parents. Maybe it took the possibility of part of the family falling apart for us to remember what these presents are really for. Because I didn’t keep the teddy, and I’m sure my sister didn’t revere the S&M hair removal device, but those photos, I think they will last a lifetime. |
