[the Writing of Kuypers]    [JanetKuypers.com]    [Bio]    [Poems]    [Prose]

Anything for
the Liquor Fix

We’ve known people
liked to have a bottle of wine
with friends in the evenings,
and we’ve known people
who liked to go out for beers
almost every night of the week.
We’ve even known men in
Illinois, where it’s illegal
to have open containers of
alcohol in the car with them,
who would leave a case of
cheap beer at the passenger-
side floor, so they could have
a can of Milwaukee’s Best
while driving, and then toss
the crushed can on the floor
so they could throw it away
when they got around to it.
And we’ve known these people
to want to save money
on their wine, on their beer,
on their hard liquors, so they
would buy the cheapest liquor
they could. We had even heard
of a fad in Finland where teen girls
soak their tampons in vodka,
because the alcohol is absorbed
into their system for intoxication
without them drinking. Can you
imaging teenage girls in Finland,
getting drunk while in school?
But the most drastic news story
came to us when we read of a
young Canadian man, wanting
to get drunk with no money,
decided to mix gasoline with milk.
This combination made him sick,
where he then vomited. However,
it appears that this milk-and-gas
drink must have intoxicated him
enough to not let him realize
that he shouldn’t have vomited
into his fireplace in his house.
The resulting explosion from his
vomit and his fireplace fire
burned his house down,
killing both him and his sister.

Copyright Janet Kuypers.
All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.

the 2007 book Tick Tock, front cover