poem “or my happiness, or my life”, a poem about how sometimes doing good things for people only leads to your own destruction, By Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers

[the Writing of Kuypers] [JanetKuypers.com] [Bio] [Poems] [Prose]

See YouTube video 1/22/16 of Janet Kuypers reading her 2 new poems One who Has Too Much & or my happiness, or my life, and Holding Hands (from her book Let me see you Stripped) at the Round Rock Poetry Plus open mic at Cianfrani’s (this video was filmed from a Canon Power Shot camera; posted on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Instagram, and Tumblr).

See YouTube video 1/22/16 of Janet Kuypers reading her 2 new poems One who Has Too Much & or my happiness, or my life, and Holding Hands (from her book Let me see you Stripped) at the Round Rock Poetry Plus open mic at Cianfrani’s (this video was filmed from a Nikon Cool Pix S7000 camera; posted on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Instagram, and Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers 9/23/17 reading her poem “Knew I Had to be Ready”, then her poems “or my happiness, or my life” and “Life got in the Way” from her book “(pheromemes) 2015-2017 poems” at Georgetown Public Library’s “Poetry Aloud” (Sony).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers 9/23/17 reading her poem “Knew I Had to be Ready”, then her poems “or my happiness, or my life” and “Life got in the Way” from her book “(pheromemes) 2015-2017 poems” at Georgetown Public Library’s “Poetry Aloud” (Lumix).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers 9/23/17 reading her poem “Knew I Had to be Ready”, then her poems “or my happiness, or my life” and “Life got in the Way” from her book “(pheromemes) 2015-2017 poems” at Georgetown Public Library’s “Poetry Aloud” (Sony).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers 9/23/17 reading her poem “Knew I Had to be Ready”, then her poems “or my happiness, or my life” and “Life got in the Way” from her book “(pheromemes) 2015-2017 poems” at Georgetown Public Library’s “Poetry Aloud” (Lumix).

or my happiness,
or my life
Janet Kuypers
1/22/16
What I have too much of
is beyond my control.
And that’s not good
for the control freak
that’s me.
These things I have,
these things that happen to me
leave me trying to repair the damage,
leave me trying to improve
on the disaster they caused.
Right now
it’s the economy, stupid.
I lose more money
by selling what little I have
after the market has tanked
to pay for a second home,
in a town I was moved to
against my will,
though I was told
it was for my own good.
I have a house
to finish paying for
that i’m nowhere near;
that I cannot live in
and cannot sell
without my losing
what money
I once
put into
what was supposed to be
my home.
I have a debt
that’s weighing me down,
and I swear,
I didn’t make these choices
before being shoved
into this hole.
The light’s getting dim
from within this hole
as I feel the soil
falling over my head. ^*
Not that that matters.
I’m learning that.
I can do everything right
and someone else
will make some mistake
and it will cost me my finances,
or my happiness, or my life.
#
I once turned the wheels of my car
to save a motorcyclist from being killed
by a speeding car,
and my specific act
of kindness and concern
led me to the E.R.,
as half the staff
in that hospital
waited for days
‘til I could start breathing
on my own again.
That’s what I get,
for having too much
concern for life.
#
I’ve learned this.
I’ve learned
that over the course of my life
the battles just keep coming,
and just when I think
I should get a break,
well,
who am I kidding.
Silly me.
My soul gets worn
having to protect myself,
from everyone else’s wrongdoing,
what,
because I
have too much
compassion.
That’s what I get.
At this point in the game,
I should change my mantra to myself.
Life may hurt less
if I keep repeating it,
until it becomes second nature.
Just remember.
The good things aren’t meant for you.
You should have learned this by now.

* “the soil falling over my head” is from “I Know It’s Over” by the Smiths.

my hand to an anim of jkchair