Love, Love, Love, Love, Love
(dreams 12/14/20)
Janet Kuypers
12/14/20
When my mother died,
years ago,
us kids were far away
and we only heard
through a phone call.
But I just dreamt
that we were nearby
and we were all
waiting by her side
for her life to end.
It was early morning,
and I walked into her room
where she was laying,
and my sister was there
(she was the one
that was so much
closer to mom) —
and I never questioned
why dad wasn’t there,
but I just walked over
to the beds,
mom was there,
laying so serenely,
and my sister,
on the next bed,
had almost a slightly
somber
smile to her face.
By her side,
she must have
come to terms
with mom dying
right about now.
So I turned to mom,
thinking this was
past the end,
and then her eyes
started to slowly open.
In my dream, she
didn’t even look like mom,
I don’t even think
her eyes were the right color,
but that didn’t matter to me,
in my dream I could
suspend my reality,
because this way
I could finally say goodbye.
When I saw my mom’s
eyes start to open,
I panicked a bit,
is she trying to
be conscious
one final moment,
and then I wondered
if her muscles were
finally giving in,
as she left
her mortal coil forever.
If this was it,
I had to say something,
I had to say farewell,
and the only world
that could leave my mouth
was
love
over and over again.
So I just kept
repeating the word
love
love, love, love, love, love,
over and over again,
until the muscles around
her eyes and mouth
started opening too much
and I knew she was gone.
I hope she heard me.
This was all I could do.
And then I thought,
she’s gone,
and I woke myself up.
|