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Fine

Dana Blake

    Conrad Conway’s problem was he never had very-good morals. Or at least, that was the way it felt. After all, why was life so hard all the time? It seemed not having very good morals explained it; or at least partly explained it.
    But Conrad Conway tried real hard, and I mean REAL hard. He played bass in his church’s choir. He believed in it, and it was a friendly church, not some mean-spirited church.
    But seeing as Conrad Conway’s morals were never very good, he had to blow off steam every once in a while. That is, just a little bit of steam. Conrad Conway was a good man, but sometimes...
    So late Friday afternoon he cashed his paycheck and went grocery shopping. Now... Conrad Conway was middle aged, so he had to watch all his fatty foods, and his triglycerides were up around 600 or so, so I’m sure you can see going grocery shopping isn’t easy, especially when your morals aren’t very good and you play bass in the church choir. You take your life in your hands when you go grocery shopping in the country.
    In his cart it was the usual cereal, milk and orange juice for breakfast. That’s good for you. But still it’s just cereal, milk and orange juice, so Conrad Conway picked up some eggs and bacon for good measure. Puts meat on your bones and gives you strength. He also dropped in a package of prunes, but he knew he wouldn’t eat them. They were good for you.
    Then he added in the roast beef, fried chicken and white bread. On top of it, candy and frozen pizza. And in addition to it all: a twelve pack of beer! Conrad Conway figured his triglycerides weren’t that bad. The thought of enjoying that brew put Conrad Conway into a good mood.
    But that good mood didn’t last very long; for you see, something happened in the supermarket that changed everything. Conrad Conway ran into Mrs. Angelina Goodman. Mrs. Goodman and Conway both attended the same church, and Mrs. Goodman sang in the choir along with Conrad Conway so there was no escape for our unfortunate little friend. He had to approach and be scrutinized. Considering Conrad Conway’s morals were never very good, it wasn’t looking good...
    “How are you, Mrs. Goodman?” asked Conrad Conway. CC always liked to be respectful to the elderly, especially all the proper ladies. Mrs. Goodman had lived in this town for years, and she was very respected as being a woman who loved and tended her family.
    “Oh, I’m fine Conrad,” replied Mrs. Goodman. “I hope you’re fine yourself and in good spirits today. Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
    “My brother is coming over from out-of-state,” explained CC.
    “Oh, that’s wonderful. I hope you enjoy his stay,” said Mrs. Goodman delightfully. Then Mrs. Goodman caught sight of Conrad Conway’s grocery cart.
    “Oh what have we here... in this cart... I see roast beef, fried chicken and frozen pizza. At least you bought the prunes. They’re good for you.”
    “Yes, they are Mrs. Goodman,” said CC. But Mrs. Goodman wasn’t finished there...
    “Oh! And I see you have beer!” said Mrs. Goodman with a chuckle. “I suppose it’s always good to have beer on hand when family comes over.”
    “Yes, it is,” replied Conrad Conway. He had been hoping Mrs. Goodman wouldn’t see the beer. She really did seem to have very-good morals, and CC looked up to her.
    “I usually don’t eat this way,” explained CC. “It’s a special occasion.”
    “I see,” said Mrs. Goodman. “Well, I’ll be seeing you along.”
    “OK.”
    That next Sunday morning Conrad Conway ran into Mrs. Angelina Goodman in front of the church before the service. The pastor was present, so Conrad Conway had to put on his best face.
    “And how are we this lovely Sunday morning,” asked Mrs. Goodman with dignity.
    “Fine.”

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