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Order this writing in the Kuypers poetry book Contents Under Pressure (original release sold out, new printing just released) now available for only 1495

Order this writing in the book Chapter 38 (v2) This volume is available in two forms, with Slightly different contets: as a 6"x9" supplement book and as a digest-sized 5.5"x8.5" book. This writing is in one - or both - books.
the 6"x9" paperback book: $14.95 the 5.5"x8.5" paperback book: $14.95 or as a e-book/PDF file download: $4.95

Order this writing in the book A Wake-Up Call From Tradition This is the 2nd of a 3 volume 2009 set.
the 5.5"x8.5" paperback book: $14.95

Order this writing in the book finally, literature for the snotty and elite (v1) This is volume 1 of a 2 volume set, 6"x9". Most of this book is also in the 5.5"x8.5" book.
the 6"x9" paperback book: $21.95

Lessons from the Simpsons


I will not bribe principal Skinner.
I will not send lard in the mail.
I will not hide the teacher’s prozac.
I will not hang donuts on my person.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I’m sick.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.

I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not sell school property.
I will not trade pants with others.
I will not drive the principal’s car.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not belch the National Anthem.

I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I am not deliciously saucy.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.

I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not sleep through my education.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not instigate a revolution.

I will not call my teacher “Hot Cakes.”
I will not yell, “Fire” in a crowded classroom.
I will not Xerox my butt.
I will not yell “She’s Dead” at roll call.
I will not call the principal “spud head.”
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

A burp is not an answer.
“Bag Man” is not a legitimate career choice.
Coffee is not for kids.
The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee.
Goldfish don’t bounce.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
Tar is not a plaything.
Spit wads are not free speech.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
The cafeteria deep fat fryer is not a toy.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with “Hail Satan!”
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.


At the beginning of each episode of “The Simpsons,” Bart is serving detention and writing a message on the black board over and over. The message changes from episode to episode. This is a collection of some of the messages he has written.

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