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Chapter 38 (v2)
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finally, literature for
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Order this writing in the 2010 book Get Your Buzz On of Janet Kuypers poetry

Expecting the Stoning

I

you know how
you want a popsicle
and you want it for the longest time
and you don't even know what it's going to taste like when you get it
and then you finally get it
and it tastes oh so good
and you have some if it
and you want to save it so you can have it later
and then you realize
that in order to keep the popsicle from disappearing
it has to stay in the freezer
to avoid melting
and becoming just a liquid pile of remains
instead of what you wanted

that it had to stay in the freezer in order to survive
and you couldn't stay there with it
that it was meant to be cold forever
or consumed

it was either one or the other
they taught you that fact when you were little
you can't have it both ways

you can try
and it might be fun at first
but everyone knows it will hurt later on

and it will

II

I think what I liked the most about us
was the theory of romance

no, wait, it wasn't that
it was the fact that it was forbidden
that you were a friend of a friend
and this wasn't quote unquote supposed
to be happening

but I liked the idea of being with you
I would travel across the country to see you
the thought of you and the times we had behind everyone's backs
those times were like poems to me
and maybe looking back we weren't technically together
when we couldn't even tell anyone that we we ever together in the first place
but it was still nice for me to fantasize

and what did it get me

III

maybe my problem was that it was all in my head
and maybe I didn't realize
the novelty would wear off for you
that you were like the average American
and after twenty seconds of watching a television show
you'd want to change the channel with the remote on the arm of your chair

I didn't know you were a popsicle that would melt
when you were exposed to ANY sunlight or ANY heat at ANY time

I didn't know you had problems. don't we all.
we all don't go to psychiatrists and stay on medications
maybe I didn't know how bad your problems were

I didn't know you were a snowman
that I made in the backyard at my house in the winter when I was little
a snowman that was fully equipped with
a carrot nose, like pinocchio, no, wait, like you, with
no hair, like you, with
black rocks for eyes, like you

and yeah, that snowman melted with spring, like you
and maybe I should have learned my lesson
from that damned snowman

I guess there was a lot about you I didn't know
because in so many ways I didn't know you

IV

I remember how little kids would want to build snowmen
in the winter
they didn't seem to mind the snowman eventually going away

I hated the cold, so I didn't play in the snow as much

maybe in playing those little games
everyone else learned their lesson, maybe they learned something
that I should have learned

V

I should expect the stonings that I am bound to receive
for telling you that I know what you have done
and that I want the rest of the world to know it too
I will expect the stonings
with time, I have been getting used to the punishments
for telling the truth, even when people don't want to hear it
and I don't want to be your savior
and I don't want to be your prophet

I don't want to be that for anyone

I think I am too cocky to be a good leader, anyway

so, thank you for getting my hopes up and then blowing them away
with one breath from your lips
like anyone would do to a pile of sand

or table salt spilled on the counter

because I think I needed to learn that lesson
and in a way, for now,
I only have you to thank for it

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