[the Writing of Kuypers]
I’ve cried about it
it’s like I’m almost
I see her every weekend
and I’ve tried to learn
you see,
and the rest of us
to understand it
but I don’t know
just heard today
that she’s leaving
too quickly
and I know, I know
and I know it’s been trying
which is more
because she’s going home
and I know, I know
tired or not
***
I know she wants to be there
isn’t that funny
I know it’s better for her
she doesn’t want
she doesn’t want
I have to keep telling myself that
they have to make sure
my brain has to keep
U.S. Government Copyright © 2004
[JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]
She’s Going Home
06/28/06
over and over again
getting used to the idea
so I can see her
as much as I can
before she leaves
to go across the country
back to her home
so she can die
about what’s killing her
if the chemo doesn’t work
I hear of other
more radical treatments
we could look into
but I know
she doesn’t want
any more treatment
she doesn’t want
to be in the hospital
any longer
she’s decided
that she’s ready to die
have to catch up to her
to be ready for it
to accept it
if that means
I’ll stop crying
from my sister’s house
where mom is
gaining her strength
before she can
make the trip home
by this weekend
for me to be able
to see her
one more time
I’d visit her now
and she would be tired
and she’d barely move
and when I’d call
they’d tell me
to not talk too long
because they don’t want me
to make her too tired
Christ, I know it’s harder for her
but it’s been hard to see her
like this
but at least this way
I was able to
see her
than I have now
she’s not dead
but she’s going there to die
and when she’s there
I can’t see her
when she goes back
she’s that much closer
to death for me
at her home
with her clothes
and her kitchen
and the chair
she watches tee vee in
in the den
at her computer
where she plays her games
and checks her email
I know she want to be there
for the billions of plants
she’s got growing
around her house
I swear, she could shove
a dead stick in the ground
and it would grow,
I don’t know how she does it
she brings life to everything
she brings life to everything
the sweetest woman in the world
and now she’s going home
to die
I keep agreeing with her
her friends
and neighbors
are there
she has people to talk to
the weather is better there for her
to be a guest
in someone else’s house
like she has been
through recovery
from her multiple rounds
of failing chemo treatment
the hospitals any more
she wants to be home
it’s better for her there
I know this
I know it’s true, she’s happier there
I have to keep telling myself that
she’s healthy enough
for her trip
across the country
back to her home
so she’s been recuperating
so she can go home
and fall apart in peace
reminding my soul
that she’ll be happier there
but my soul says
that her going there
just puts her
one step closer
to being gone
forever
Copyright © 2006 Janet Kuypers.
Chicago Poet Janet Kuypers
on all art and all writings on this site completed
before 6/6/04. All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.
See YouTube video
of Janet Kuypers reading her poem
She’s Going Home 10/5/15 at Weeds open mic in Chicago (Canon fs200)
See YouTube video
of Janet Kuypers reading her poem
She’s Going Home 10/5/15 at Weeds open mic in Chicago (Canon PS)
See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ 4 poems 10/5/15 at the Chicago open mic Weeds (Cfs), w/
Gouge Out Their Eyes,
If She’s There — which led into
She’s Going Home, and ending with
Some People Want to Believe.
See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ 4 poems 10/5/15 at the Chicago open mic Weeds (Cps), w/
Gouge Out Their Eyes,
If She’s There — which led into
She’s Going Home, and ending with
Some People Want to Believe.
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