“The Power To Tell Her”/
“The Power To See Her”
Janet Kuypers, 09/01/06 #3
“The Power To Tell Her”
when Dave died
a man I had dated for a year and a half
I was stuck on the other side of the country
and couldn’t go to his services
couldn’t see him laying in his coffin
so that I could really say good bye
and knowing my mother was dying
I had already cried so much
that I almost shut down
when I heard that she died
my father called to tell me
and he couldn’t even talk
so I heard the news over the phone
from a friend of his
it was my job to tell my brothers and sisters
but I couldn’t get through to one sister
who was closest to mom
my oldest sister offered to tell her,
to have her paged,
to break the news to her
and I thought, wait, dad told me to do this
I should be doing this
but then I thought
I don’t think I have to power to tell her
I don’t think I could be prepared
for her falling apart at work
I just didn’t know if I could do that to her
so, I said, okay, you can tell her
I heard from them after the fact
that my older sister was crying
to the switchboard operator
before she could reach my sister
that probably expedited getting them connected
so now we’re all flying across the country
to have another impromptu family reunion
to help my father cope with being a widower
###
“The Power To See Her”
my mother is being cremated
she said she didn’t want a service
even though her grieving family might need one
but I just talked to my sisters
they said they got through to dad
and he’s waiting for us at his home
across the country
well, of course we’d be there
but my sister told me
they’re waiting with my mother’s body
so we can see her before cremation
because, you know,
we might want to see her
and I didn’t want to tell my one sister
because I couldn’t be prepared for the crying
but
but I never thought
about seeing my mother dead
before she was cremated
but I will cry now
the ocean levels will rise
my tears will start hurricanes
here in south west Florida
where my mother
lies waiting for us
###
I was so angry
that I never saw Dave in his coffin
because I needed some kind of closure
and my sisters tell me
“you don’t have to see her if you don’t want
that’s your decision”
and
and while my mother was still alive
and I still had my flight to see her
my father said I’d be shocked
when I saw her
that she’s so thin
so
so a part of me doesn’t know
if I can see my mother dead
but I think of the closure I’ve needed
for years after Dave’s death
... it has been over eight years now
so
so a part of me doesn’t know
how I couldn’t see my mother one more time
###
so I have to see her
and we tried to decide
what she should wear for the viewing
which is what she will wear
when she is burned
and I struggle with this
because I could keep the dress we chose
as a memento of my mother
but we chose the dress she wore
to my wedding
that her body will spend its last moments on earth
in the dress she wore to my wedding
everyone told her
how beautiful she looked in that dress
at my wedding
I have a photo framed from my wedding
of dad kissing mom
in that dress
that she looked so lovely in
in a photo
where her beauty is captured forever
so
so it seems beautiful
it seems painfully beautiful
that she wears the dress
she wore to my wedding
before she leaves us forever
so it seems fitting
that,
like at my wedding
she wears the dress
she looked so eternally beautiful in
Copyright © Janet Kuypers.
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Like Janet Kuypers’ writing on any of these links below:
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See YouTube video 9/12/1 of Janet Kuypers at Chicago’s the Art Colony open mic reading her poems Just Making Face After Face, Tired of Trying, Bitter Suburbs, Pock-Marked Molehills, Dead Grass Fires, Ever Consumed Goat, Even With no Wish Bone, and The Power to Tell Her / The Power To See Her (from a Canon Power Shot, w/ a heat wave filter).
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See YouTube video 9/12/15 of Janet Kuypers at Chicago’s the Art Colony open mic reading her poems Just Making Face After Face, Tired of Trying, Bitter Suburbs, Pock-Marked Molehills, Dead Grass Fires, Ever Consumed Goat, Even With no Wish Bone, and The Power to Tell Her / The Power To See Her (filmed with a Canon Power Shot camera).
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