prose “Weighing on my Soul”, a #metoo lunchtime poll topic editorial about acquaintance rape, and sometimes after years of fighting the feeling you become stronger for the battle you have faced, by Chicago Poet and performance artist Janet Kuypers

[the Writing of Kuypers] [JanetKuypers.com] [Bio] [Poems] [Prose]

Weighing on my Soul
    I worked as an acquaintance rape workshop facilitator a number of years ago. And periodically after the fact I would get phone calls or messages from people who knew the earlier work I did, to either console people or give guidance to other women. And over the years I would hear terrible stories, all third-hand, but knowing they were real puts a little weight on my shoulders too, weighing on my soul too, hearing so many stories over so many years.
    I told my husband that I recently got a letter from a woman who I knew years ago, back when I worked for a university acquaintance rape education group, and the woman tried to feel better, years after being raped by a man who she was dating. After everything she learned because of the rape, and her fight to overcome it, ended up making her a better person. When I explained this to him, he told me that I should publish the letter. I didn’t want to do that to the woman, and I didn’t think it was a good idea, but he explained to me that there may be women out there who want to hear that they can be strong again, and this letter may be the impetus they need.
    I told him that if I did this, I would not reveal the woman’s name who wrote this, and I do this now not only in an attempt to protect her privacy but also to make it clear that every woman can feel this.
    I got in touch with her and she said it was okay as long as I left any information about her out. I hope this helps.
Janet Kuypers
Editor in Chief

    Dear Janet,
    Hi there, I know it’s been forever since we’ve talked, but I remembered you back at U of I doing acquaintance rape flyers, ads and workshops, so I hope you don’t mind me writing this to you. I couldn’t think of anyone else I could share this with though.
    Something occurred to me the evening of the anniversary of the day I was raped — yes, I remember it, how could I forget. It’s been years, and I’ve grown a lot since that night. I could talk about how I was young then. I could talk about how I didn’t know how to stop what was happening — but that would be more victim blaming, wouldn’t it? What I did want to say is that for the first time in years on this day, I wasn’t angry. All I could think is that even though what I went through was terrible, even though I spent years crying about what happened to me... it occurred to me that if this didn’t happen to me, if it didn’t force me to learn about sexism so first-hand back then, that I might not have worked as hard in my life to be as strong as I am now.
    I’m not saying I am glad this happened to me — far from it. But if I remove all of the bad elements in my past I might have ended up becoming a different person from who I am today. I believe that I have gained strength from the battles I have had to fight because of this. For the first ever of all the anniversaries of this rape that haunted me , I have to say that this bad thing helped me grow. I might not like who I’d be today if I didn’t have this terrible thing happen to me, to change the way I think.
    I don’t know if what I’ve written makes sense. For some reason though I wanted to share it with you. It’s so easy to dwell on rape, because the memories are so powerful and consuming, for so many years. As I said before, if I remove that from my past, I unravel the tapestry of who I am. If I like who I have become, removing that might make me someone I wouldn’t recognize and someone I’d rather not be.

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ February 2019 Book Release Reading 2/6/19, where she read her poems “Right There, By Your Heart (verses 2 and 6)”, then interview portions and her poem “Scratch the Surface” from her interview/journal/poetry book “In Depth”, and then read her #metoo / Lunchtime Poll Topic essay/letter “Weighing on my Soul” and her poem “For Far Too Many Years” from her Chicago “In One Ear” show “to the Bottom of the Earth and Back” in the performance art section of the cc&d v. 288 January/February 2019 ISBN# book “Save the World”, while she guest-hosted Community Poetry @ Half Price Books (this video was filmed from a Panasonic Lumix 2500 camera; posted on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, Instagram, and Tumblr). #janetkuypers #janetkuyperspoetry #janetkuypersbookreading

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ February 2019 Book Release Reading 2/6/19, where she read her poems “Right There, By Your Heart (verses 2 and 6)”, then interview portions and her poem “Scratch the Surface” from her interview/journal/poetry book “In Depth”, and then read her #metoo / Lunchtime Poll Topic essay/letter “Weighing on my Soul” and her poem “For Far Too Many Years” from her Chicago “In One Ear” show “to the Bottom of the Earth and Back” in the performance art section of the cc&d v. 288 January/February 2019 ISBN# book “Save the World”, in Community Poetry @ Half Price Books (Panasonic Lumix 2500; Posterize).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ February 2019 Book Release Reading 2/6/19, where she read her poems “Right There, By Your Heart (verses 2 and 6)”, then interview portions and her poem “Scratch the Surface” from her interview/journal/poetry book “In Depth”, and then read her #metoo / Lunchtime Poll Topic essay/letter “Weighing on my Soul” and her poem “For Far Too Many Years” from her Chicago “In One Ear” show “to the Bottom of the Earth and Back” in the performance art section of the cc&d v. 288 January/February 2019 ISBN# book “Save the World”, in Community Poetry @ Half Price Books (Panasonic Lumix 2500; Sepia Tone).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers’ February 2019 Book Release Reading 2/6/19, where she read her poems “Right There, By Your Heart (verses 2 and 6)”, then interview portions and her poem “Scratch the Surface” from her interview/journal/poetry book “In Depth”, and then read her #metoo / Lunchtime Poll Topic essay/letter “Weighing on my Soul” and her poem “For Far Too Many Years” from her Chicago “In One Ear” show “to the Bottom of the Earth and Back” in the performance art section of the cc&d v. 288 January/February 2019 ISBN# book “Save the World”, in Community Poetry @ Half Price Books (Panasonic Lumix 2500; Threshold).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her Twitter Verse Periodic Table poem “Magnesium Burn” (that won 3rd place in a contest sponsored by and appearing in “Chemistry and Engineering News”), her editorial “Weighing on my Soul” (read from the cc&d 1-6 2019 issue collection book “a Revolution of Modern Life”), and her poem “Escape to Peace” (written on and for World Environment Day) from her 20019 poetry book “Every Event of the Year (Volume one: January-June)” live 9/14/19 at “Poetry Aloud” in Georgetown (Panasonic Lumix T56 camera; on Facebook,Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her Twitter Verse Periodic Table poem “Magnesium Burn” (that won 3rd place in a contest sponsored by and appearing in “Chemistry and Engineering News”), her editorial “Weighing on my Soul” (read from the cc&d 1-6 2019 issue collection book “a Revolution of Modern Life”), and her poem “Escape to Peace” (written on and for World Environment Day) from her 20019 poetry book “Every Event of the Year (Volume one: January-June)” live 9/14/19 at “Poetry Aloud” in Georgetown (from a Panasonic Lumix T56 camera; Sepia Tone filter; it was also linked on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her editorial “Weighing on my Soul” (read from the cc&d 1-6 2019 issue collection book “a Revolution of Modern Life”), and her poem “Escape to Peace” (written on and for World Environment Day) from her 20019 poetry book “Every Event of the Year (Volume one: January-June)” live 9/14/19 at Georgetown’s “Poetry Aloud” (filmed from a Panasonic Lumix 2500 camera, and linked on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her editorial “Weighing on my Soul” (read from the cc&d 1-6 2019 issue collection book “a Revolution of Modern Life”), and her poem “Escape to Peace” (written on and for World Environment Day) from her 20019 poetry book “Every Event of the Year (Volume one: January-June)” live 9/14/19 at Georgetown’s “Poetry Aloud” (from a Panasonic Lumix 2500 camera with a Sepia Tone filter, video also linked on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her “Burning Bridges” book poem “After”, her editorial “Weighing on my Soul”, and her micro-prose “Dandelions for a Passing Stranger” during the “Poetic License open mic 5/3/20 home edition” she hosted through a Facebook event page (this video was filmed from a Panasonic Lumix 2500 camera; on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Tumblr).

See Facebook live video of Janet Kuypers reading her “Burning Bridges” book poem “After”, her editorial “Weighing on my Soul”, and her micro-prose “Dandelions for a Passing Stranger” during the “Poetic License open mic 5/3/20 home edition” she hosted in Austin, but globally through a Facebook event page (from a Samsung S9 camera).

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