The material in this book is the collection of writings from the live Chicago performance art show Stop., help 09/20/02. A CD was originally released of this material, but the CD’s materials were molded into a live performance art show. This collection contains writings from that live performance art show, plus a portion of the artwork that was also projected and displayed during the performance.
The show also contained music, and covers of songs (where Kuypers sang to an acoustic guitar while images continued to be broadcast with the words). A book can only deliver so much (not video of the live performance, or audio of the readings), so you can learn more about this live show at http://www.janetkuypers.com, where there is a direct link to information and data on this performance.

Love Has Tendrils

love has tendrils
long, fluid, arcing, curling, pulling
but under the water
I have slipped away
one too many times

escaped the pull

never strong enough
to pull me in
were you

i keep searching
for those endless arms
to wrap themselves around me

to choke me
to kill me

until I rise yet again
gasping for air

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

here it goes again
maybe this is what i deserve
this pain
but i can’t let you go
even if there is someone else
on the side
doing the same things to me
you do
i can’t let you go
i need that connection to you
i need that pain
i can’t be alone
even though i’m alone when i’m with you
i guess i feel
like i’m nothing when i’m with you
but then again
i’m nothing without you
so here it goes
here it goes again

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

i am the woman who loves pain
i am the woman who loves pain
i look for you
and i usually find you
one of you
i know you’ll all do the same things
act the same way
i’ve gotten used to it
they tell me i should find someone
better
that i am settling
that this is not love
but i’ve never felt love
and although this is pain
although i am hurting with you
it is better than hurting alone
i swear it is

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

run faster

why me
why do I keep doing this to myself
why do I keep coming back

I beg for attention
and I don’t know how to stop
and I don’t know how to be alone

so I keep giving you
one more chance to make it perfect
one more chance to save the damsel

but I’m not a damsel
and I’m not being rescued
and I’m not feeling any better

because even though I hate you
I’ll never let go
so you’ll just have to run faster

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

sorry flowers

i bet you think a box of candy is
all you need to make everything better
and you’d still say i need to lose
some weight, sure, feed me candy, okay.

i love “apology candy” as much as i
love “sorry flowers” and people at the
office keep saying i must be a great
girlfriend because i get flowers at the

office but then i tell them that they
are “sorry flowers” and that the
worst kind of flowers are “sorry
flowers” because you’d rather have no

flowers if it meant that you two
were happy all the time. and no one
understands what you’re talking about.
and neither do you. so good-bye.

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

never did the same
we’ve put each other through hell, i know
we’ve tried each other’s patience
we’ve goaded each other on
we’ve pissed each other off
we’ve jerked each other around
but i’ve noticed two things, one
is that whenever you were unhappy
i turned on the charm, i tried
to make your day, i tried to
make you laugh, and the other
thing that i noticed is that
you never did the same for me

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

The Deep End
love seems so appealing
love is the bottom of the deep end
love is what makes the kiddies
walk to the edge of the diving board
take a deep breath
hold their little noses
and close their eyes
and brace themselves
and jump in
but none of them stay under too long
because they know
even at an early age
when enough is enough

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

All These Reminders
Look, over here, in my living room.
You left an empty bottle of beer
on the end table. The cap, too.
And come here, follow me, over here,
in the kitchen, look in here, see,
you left some of your food in the pantry.
A box of spaghetti, some canned
tomatoes. And come here, in the bathroom,
I know you probably won’t notice this,
but here, this towel, it smells like
you, is smells like your shaving cream.
And I could swear my crumpled bed
sheets are still warm from you.
Why did you have to go. Why
does this have to seem so hard.
Okay, look here, the remote for the
television is on the arm of the chair,
where you always leave it. And the cocktail
table, it’s pushed forward on one side
because you’d always rest your feet
on it. Everywhere I look around me,
I see something that you affected.
I look in the kitchen. I look in the
dining room. I look in the mirror.
Why did you do this to me. Why
couldn’t you have made a clean break.
There’s still some of your messages
scribbled on scraps of paper next to
the phone in the kitchen. And look,
the pillow on the couch is bunched
up because you could never get
comfortable with it. And over here,
the phone books are out on the
kitchen counter, you never put them
away, and here they are, still sitting
out, I’ll have to put them back in the
cabinet. and look here, why do I
still have all of your love letters
stuffed into a drawer in my desk.
When you left me, why did you
have to leave me all these reminders.

stop sign in Puerto Rico

you and me and your girlfriend
we went out for drinks together
you and me and your girlfriend
to a restaurant in Malibu
with a balcony that hung over the water
had a perfectly lovely time
you and me and your girlfriend
talking about life, catching up
and you suggested that we go out on the balcony
and I thought that would be charming
for you and me and your girlfriend
but we hadnׄt paid our bill yet
so your girlfriend told us to go on without her
we stood outside, leaned on the rail
you and me
listened to the water crach on the rocks
below us and we talked
but now it was not about catching up
you and me
it was about ideas, dreams, plans
and before I knew it we were out there
for nearly an hour, and I said,
“what about your girlfriend?”
she was waiting for us all that time
and you said, “oh, yeah” and didn’t move an inch

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

who you tell your dreams to
we were driving down the freeway
you and me in the pick-up truck
and your girlfriend inbetween
where you could move the gear shift
and it would mean so much to you
and you saw something that you thought
was beautiful, and you said, “look
at the lines, look at how it was made”
and you were inspired by the beauty
of an everyday object no one else noticed
and your girlfriend, riding in the middle
said “that’s him, people think he’s crazy”
and i thought, “no, it just depends on who
you tell your dreams to” but i couldn’t
say it in the truck i wouldn’t say it

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

loved you the most

I heard last week that you died.
I called your office to ask you a question
and the receptionist had to tell me.

Of course I didn’t hear it from your family.
How would they know to call me?
They, who don’t even know my last name
ans think I was a heathen and no good for you.
They, tied to you by blood, never knew
I wished for that tie to you too.
They never knew I put you on a pedastal.
They never knew I made you my god.

I went to your funeral today. I wore a veil
over the brim of my hat and stayed in the back
while they lowered your casket into the ground.
When everyone was at your gravesite
the minister talked about the ones you left behind:
your parents, your brother, your sister.
What he didn’t know was that you left
me behind too. The one that loved you the most.

I knew I could never have you in my life.
But I needed to know you were alive, so I could go on living.
And the minister spoke of how your family would miss you.
And I thought, what about me.
What do I do with nothing to love.

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

my second marriage
I could catalog these events for you,
I keep records like a scrapbook would
I know how my mother kept dental records for me
when I was an infant
and I know how she kept a file
of all the shots I had, too
it’s like that, I guess
a scrapbook, or a photo album
and I could do that for my marriages
my first marriage was one that I needed.
but hindsight is twenty twenty,
and maybe I needed a counselor
more than I needed a husband.
Forgive me. I was new
at this attachment thing
and this committment thing
(but I know I got it right when I tried)
but maybe it was my fault
that I picked a guy
that I just wasn’t compatible with.
he was a great guy, don’t get me wrong,
and he wanted to learn from me,
and I think he kept me on my toes.
but I think he knew it wouldn’t work out for us,
and so he just waited
until I came to that comclusion too.
I don’t know why I went through
my second marriage.
people think I was crazy for putting up with him,
for tolerating him, for including him,
and I didn’t care, because in my own little way,
he was mine. it was a role reversal for me,
I was used to being the weak one
in a marriage,
but this time, well, this time
I learned my lesson.
I decided when we went out of town,
how much money we would spend,
what bars we would go to,
I think it all boiled down to
me deciding how much fun we would ever have.
And he followed me,
like a puppy dog
who has just found his best friend,
and his tounge would hang out with excitment
when he could roll down the window of the car
and we could just take off.
I think my problem
is that I wanted this marriage to work,
but my puppy dog only
accepted scraps from under my dinner table
and never offered anything in return
and I swear,
I wanted something to work,
I wanted this to work out for me,
and it still pisses me off
in the back of my head
that he wouldn’t think the way I wanted him to
and everything didn’t just
fall into place.
okay, okay, by third marriage. it seems
a bit more stable. I think he is a gut
that balances out the two men
from my first two marriages.
and that kind of scares me.
it makes me wonder
if there is some woman out there
who doesn’t have my pot belly
and has a lot more patience
than me. Makes me wonder.

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

Number 136

I remember too vividly what it was like with you
what I would do for you
things things you would do for me

once we had dinner at your place
carry out
and you left a rose waiting for me at the table

you flew across the country to see me
you jokingly said in public
“We don’t care, we share”
even though I knew you never wanted to share me

I remember singing to you in the street
jumping around in a vat of soybeans with you
I remember planning my life with you
you gicing me gemstones and rings
I remember you wanting that

I sang to you at the amphitheatre
you were so infatuated with me
you always thought of me when that song played again

I made you dinner once
and caught you by surprise
by giving the meal to you on a stage

we had champagne on the roof of your house once
and you liked to take me around town
on your dirt bike
I never wanted to tell you that I met you
because I thought your friend was cute

you took time off work and flew to see me
you paid for a hotel
and shot pool with me
in a bar in new orleans like we weren’t tourists

and it’s funny
when I made the effort to see you
you suddenly got bored with me

am I getting my men confused?
who loved me? who did I love?
I guess it’s irrelevant

when your hot chocolate that just got hot
and has a little sprig of mint in it
and can keep you warm in the dead of winter
when you just need something there to savor
after a long hard day of work
and a long commute home in the snow

but I guess it’s irrelevant
when that hot chocolate
or spiced coffee, or fresh tea
or whatever the hell you want
that happens to keep you warn when you need it
it’s irrelevant
when the heat grows cold
and it’s the dead of winter
and you are counting on that warmth
and then it’s gone
just like that

the problem is
I would drive eighteen hours to see you
and you would suddenly be bored

and the problem is
I seem to like men
that live really far away from me
because I’m an idiot

and the problem is
most of the men i dated
really fell for me
and I never tried to do that
I’ve never tried to be a “man magnet”

geez, everyone thinks that
I was just a flirt
but guess it all boils down to
their differences
and how women and men act

but I don’t know what the problems were
and are
all I keep seeing is the ghost of you
telling me that I should have bought a lemon for home
or that I should have brought a shawl
to protect me from the wind
and I look in my room and I see your painting of me

and I can hear your voice now
you’re here in my home
you’re walking from room to room
and you’re telling me
“Why didn’t you let me make it?
What you need to do
is add more cranberry juice.
And the lemon twist is there for more than effect.”

stop sign in Shanghai, China

walking with you (2/18/94)

It’s springtime again
and here we are,

picking flowers from neighbor’s yards
at three a.m.

it’s still a little cold
it’s still only April
as the wind rushes through our clothes

hands claspedwalking in stride

lily of the valley,
tulips, daffodils

it’s a beautiful wind

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

watching you (2/18/94)
a strand of your hair
falling into your eyes
you brush it behand your ear
you move your head
lean over
it falls again
it curls in just the right way
it makes a perfect tunnel
it directs me
my eyes are drawn
to your beautiful blue eye

with you (2/18/94)
It’s Friday again
the birds are singing this morning
the sun is out
it’s warmer than usual
maybe it’s always like this
maybe it’s today
it always seems darker
when you’re further away

waiting for you (2/13/94)
i look out at the evening sky
snow falling out of the sky
star-shaped flakes as big as fingertips
falling onto my face
melting into my skin
touching mesharp and sweet
like your hand on my cheek
in the cold of winter
it almost feels warm

without you (1/6/94)
i look out at the evening sky
trees laced with snow
on the delicate branches
glistening in the whiteness
the darkened skytouching methe powdered streets
the trees aren’t as beautiful anymore

The Way You Tease Me

What I think I like the most about you
is the way you always leave me wanting more.
When you kiss me, and we start to pull back
I want to cock my head and kiss you again
but I never know if you’ll let me.

What I think I like the most about you
is the way you roll your sultry deep voice over me
like a wave of heat on a summer afternoon.
You use a pause to tease me with your words
until sweat dances down my hairline and tickles my neck.

What I think I like the most about you
is the way you slide your arms around my waist
and make me just want to collapse in your grasp
and run my hands up and down your back
until I hear you moan and sigh.

What I think I like the most about you
is the way that absence makes the heart grow fonder
and when we touch you say we should take it slow,
take our time, enjoy every moment
and you know, you couldn’t be more right.

What I think I like the most about you
are the things that make me think I have to fight for you
are the things that make me second guess myself
because nothing’s ever easy, not you, not me,
not relationships, not sex, not love.

What I think I like the most about you
is the wondering, is the waiting, is the teasing.
That’s what I like. This high-charged guessing game.
The flirting. The first touch. The first everything.
Thinking about the possibilities. Yeah. That’s what I like.

image from the Chicago performance art show Stop, on 09/20/02

How Do I Explain It

there are so many times
when I have had so little

hope

and maybe that’s MY problem, not yours
and maybe this is a bad way
to start a poem

so forgive me

but the thing is, people keep trying to tell me
that this is the hard part

and I have been through so much
haven’t I gone through enough?

and I am beginning to think
that well, maybe I DON’T deserve it
and maybe bad things are MEANT to happen to me

and how do I explain that
to the average person?
how do I explain
what I am going through
how do I explain
the way I feel

how do I explain it

I mean, I know I am a writer,
so
explaining this all
should not be so hard

but it is

Describe the color blue
to a blind man
and see how you are at a loss
for words

How do you explain this all
with quick wit
and a shark tongue?

III

so they key here for me
is that sometimes good things can happen
when you least expect it

and instead of my griping about it
or feeling sorry for myself

maybe I should just be happy with it

and when people tell me
that the sky looks REALLY blue today
I just think,
well, that is called SCIENCE,
the sky is always blue

and that answer
that comment
is that supposed to make me feel better?

and maybe when people tell me
that every cloud has a silver lining
well, maybe I should enjoy the silver lining
every once in a while
and when people complain
that the grass is always greener
on the other side

well, maybe at times like those
i should learn to like the view from this side
because at least I get to see the green grass

well, it’s just a theory

cause maybe this ride ain’t so bad
and maybe this SIDE ain’t so bad
and maybe there is a chance for that other side for me
and maybe i’ve had a taste of
all that good stuff

and you know, it occurred to me
that the good stuff ain’t all that after all
and that maybe there is someone out there like me
and that maybe someone cares about me
and maybe someone respects me
and thinks I’m intelligent
and beautiful

maybe

a couple of days ago
john gave me some roses
an even half dozen, something that
didn’t even need to be wrapped by the florist

well, that’s just my thought on the matter

but john had an answer for me

he told me that he gave me five roses
for the five days he had known me
and the sixth one
well, was just for me

because I deserved it

and those were the words he used
and that is what he said to me
and I have received flowers from other men before
and for all of this
it was different

because he said those words to me
because he thought of me
and that was almost worth more
than the flowers

maybe

VII

and yeah, I could go on and on and on
about the fact that he is taller than me

I can wear high heels
in front of him
and I won’t dwarf him

and when he holds me it feels like
I’m actually being held
and not that I’m about to break
the man I’m hugging
into two pieces
and maybe he was a marine
and can hold his own
and maybe he has travelled
all over the place
and seen different things
and had different chances

and yeah, maybe he carries all my stuff around in my apartment
because it might be too heavy for me

and yeah, I could get angry at that
I could think that I can carry this myself
that I’m not a
poor
helpless
girl
and that I don’t need
no
man

VIII

but for now
for now I’m stuck in this happy mode
remembering what it’s like
where the grass is greener
and enjoying in that silver lining
and well, being happy that
I can almost touch that green grass now

cause I’m sick of hearing
about the four-leaf clovers
and the rainbows
and the pots of gold

and all that other crap
that is supposed to make you happy

and maybe I am just happy that
someone gave me attention

and gives me attention

and that that someone cares about me

I got that attention from someone
who thought I was worth it
from someone I thought was worth it

and when you finally get to this point,
when you think no one else can
understand this feeling

and all the references to growing grass
an bubbles sand sunsets

don’t quite cut it

well, when you get to feel
this way

the way I feel

well,
how do you explain it

Bonus Poem...

holding my hand

when we’re walking in stride together down
the street and our feet pump out the same rhythm
and our shoulders are almost touching and our
hands brush up against each other for one brief
moment and he reaches over and takes my hand

when he slides his fingers around mine
and I feel him move along the palm of my hand
well, no one knows what it feels like
when his fingers curl and hold me tight
well, it feels like pop rocks

it feels like when that candy is sliding
down my throat after I let it explode
on my tongue and it’s still tingling and no
one knows I’m eating this and no one knows
the feeling and this is my little secret

and I feel this feeling like never before
and it makes me want to laugh and cry
because I look around the room and no one
else is eating those pop rocks and no one
knows the feeling when he’s holding my hand

colophon

    Designed using QuarkXPress v6.5, images were photographed using the Sony Mavica digital camera, and edited in Adobe Photoshop v7.0. Fonts in this collection include AGaramond (for body copy), Letter Gothic (for titles), Trajan Bold (for bullets), Zapf Dingbats (for the scissors on the for sale page), and the created font Janet Big Cheese for the man with weight image with the Scars Publications logo.
stop signs for colophon     Cameras for the images in this book were photographed with either a Minolta Maxxum 5000 35mm camera or a Sony Mavics digital camera. The Front cover image was photographed in Gurnee. The image on page 4 was taken in a hot tub in Pasadena, CA. The images on page 6 were tasken in Chicago (top) and Champaign (bottom). The images on page 7 were taken in Champaign. The image on page 8 were taken in Chicago (top) and Urbana (bottom). The image on page 9 are of stop signs taken in Tiajuana (the ALTO sign, mexico), San Juan (the PARE sign, Puerto Rico) and Shanghai (China). The image on page 10 was taken in Champaign. The image on page 12 was taken on Naples beach, Naples, Florida. The images on page 14 and 16 was taken in Champaign. The image on page 18 were taken in Palos Park. The image on page 19 was taken in the Evergales, southwest Florida. The images on page 22 were taken in Urbana. The images on page 24 were taken at a Pennsylvania storage facility/junkyard (top) and in Miami, Florida. The image on page 26 was taken on Naples beach, Naples, Florida. The image on page 28 and 30 were taken in Palos Park. The image on page 35 was taken in Urbana. The image on page 38 was taken at the beach along Lake Michigan in Michigan. The “About the Author” images ewere taken in Champaign and Palos Park. All of the images in this book (not including the back cover images) were used in the live show for the Chicago performance of Stop. on 09/10/02.
    The top three back cover images are of stop signs photographed in Mexico, Shanghai China and Puerto Rico. The bottom back cover image (the Vincent motorcycle with the STOP tail light) was photographed in Highland Park, and the stop sign to the left of the Vincent photo is a stop sign at Heathrow Airport in London.
    Back cover stop sign photos not by the author: Stop sign 1 is from South Korea. Stop sign 2 is from Malaysia. Stop sign 3 is from Thailand. Stop sign 4 is from Moscow, Russia. Stop sign 5 is from Tunisia. Stop sign 6 is from Laos. Stop sign 7 is from the Turkish Republic of Cyprus. Stop sign 8 is from Quebec, Canada. Stop sign 9 is from Mongolia. Stop signs 1, 4, 5, 7 and 9 photos are by Dale Lightfoot, Oklahoma State University. Stop signs 2 and 6 (Laos and Malaysia) are photographs from Joel Stuart. Stop sign 8 (Canada) is a photograph from Yves Lacroix. Stop sign 3 is aan Internet stock photo image.

previously published

All of these poems were previously published in http://www.yotko.com/jk/poems/poems.htm and http://www.artvilla.com/kuypers/poems/poems.html, http://scars.tv, deepthoughts on the writing of Kuypers at http://www.deepthought.com/scars/deepthought-dot-com/kuypers-writing.htm, Chaotis Kuypers at http://www.chaoticarts.org/chaotic-writing/chaotic-kuypers-writing.htm, Children Churches and Daddies magazine, http://www.mishibishi.net/kuypers.html and http://www.janetkuypers.com. All poems (except for the bonus poem “Holding My Hand”) were also a part of the performance art show and CD called Stop., performed live in Chicago 09/10/02.

Love Has Tendrils
Previously published in mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, Larry’s Poetry Page, and my-diary.org/read/?read=2443. The French translation of “Love Has Tendrils” was first published at poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetry1344&item=home. “Love Has Tendrils” was published in six languages (English, French, Spanish, German, Portuguese and Itallian) at the Add-A-Poem Center, Freedom and Strength discussions. “Love Has Tendrils” was also read in the live September 10 2002 Chicago performance (and was released May 3 2002 on the compacy disc) Stop. Look. Listen. “Love Has Tendrils” has also been published in the boks A Celebration of Poets: showcase edition, from the International Library of Poetry, Oeuvre and The Best Poems of 1998, from the National Library of Poetry.

Here It Goes Again
Previously published in Muscling Tenses, poets 2000 at http://www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, Art/Life Limited Editions v17 #3 No. 179, Larry’s Poetry Page, Poets All Around the World, Sane Poetry, the Poetry Exchange, Working Ttle, and World Poets. It was also published in the chapbook Violence in America, and in the books Contents Under Pressure, Moving Performances and (woman.).

I Am the Woman who loves Pain
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions v17 #3 No. 179, Joey and the Black Boots, Muscling Tenses, Poets All Around the World, poets 2000 at http://www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, Sane Poetry, the Poetry Exchange, Working Ttle, and Ygdrasil. It was also published in the chapbookS Violence in America, and The Way I’m Going, and in the books Contents Under Pressure, Moving Performances and (woman.).

Run Faster
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions v17 #11 No. 187, Larry’s Poetry Page, woman/woman=power magazine, and Worldnet Publishing. It was also published in the chapbook This You Don’t Hate., as well as in the books Contents Under Pressure and Moving Performances.

Sorry Flowers
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions v17 #11 No. 187 and Larry’s Poetry Page. It was also published in the chapbooks This You Don’t Hate. and The Nightmares and the Soybeans, as well as in the books Contents Under Pressure and Moving Performances.

Never Did the Same
Previously published in Larry’s Poetry Page, mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, and Children Churches and Daddies magazine. It also was previously published in the chapbook This You Don’t Hate.. It also was previously published in the compact with as well as in the live 2002 performance art show in Chicago, both titled Stop, Look, Listen. It also was previously published in the books Contents Under Pressure, Blister and Burn, Oeuvre and Oh.

The Deep End
Previously published in A Room Without Walls, Juicy Britches, Larry’s Poetry Page, Children Churches and Daddies magazine, Lasting Moments Poetry Guild, www.mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, and poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetry1344&item=home. A French translation of “The Deep End” (L’Extrimiti Profonde) was published in the chapbook Ferme le Bousche!!!, a Spanish translation of this poem (“El Extremo Profundo”) was published in the chapbook Se Habla Espanol (the poems), and a German translation of this poem was published in the chapbook Ich Bein Ein Jelly Doughnut. “The Deep End” was published in sux languages (English, French, Spanish, German, Portuguese and Itallian) at the Add-A-Poem Center, Freedom and Strength discussions. The English version of this poem was also published in the chapbooks What I Want to Know and Content With Too Much Light. “The Deep End” was also published in the books Contents Under Pressure, Oeuvre and Oh.

All These Reminders
Previously published in Larry’s Poetry Page, www.mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, www.ilovepoetry.com, and www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/. This poem was also published in six languages (English, German, Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, and French) at Hawthorne Press’ From The Gallows poetry and prose community. A German translation of this was published in the chapbook Ich Bein Ein Jelly Doughnut. A French translation of All These Reminders (Tous Ces Rappels) was published in the chapbook Ferme le Bousche!!!. A Spanish translation of All These Reminders (Todos Estos Recordatorios) was published in the chapbook Se Habla Espanol (the poems). It was also published inthe books Contents Under Pressure and Oeuvre.

You and Me and Your Girlfriend
Previously published in Larry’s Poetry Page and http://www.allaboutlovepoems.com/submitted_poem_dtl.php?QnCategoryID=2&QnVerseID=54. It was in the chapbook You’re Like This When You’re With Me, as well as in the books Contents Under Pressure and Moving Performances.

Who You Tell Your Dreams To
Previously published in Larry’s Poetry Page, mishibishi. net/kuypers.html, Roll (from GAD Publishing Company), and Children Churches and Daddies magazine. It also was previously published in the compact with as well as in the live 2002 performance art show in Chicago, both titled Stop, Look, Listen, and it was read on WZRD radio (88.3 FM) December 7 2003. It also was previously published in the books Blister and Burn, Oeuvre and Contents Under Pressure.

Loved You the Most
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions c18 no.8, http://www.allaboutlovepoems.com/submitted_poem_dtl.php?QnCategoryID=2&QnVerseID=53, Joey and the Black Boots #20, Larry’s Poetry Page, online diary at www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, and poetrypoem (poetry1344) . This poem exists loosely translated into a variety of different languages (French, German, Italian, Portuguese and Spanish) at http://www.yotko.com/jk/poems/poems.htm and http://www.artvilla.com/kuypers/poems/poems.html. It has appeared in the French chapbook Ferme le Bousche!!!, the German chapbooks Ich Bein Ein Jelly Doughnut , the Spanish chapbook Se Habla Espanol (the poems), the English chapbook This You Don’t Hate., and the books Contents Under Pressure and Moving Performances.

My Second Marriage
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions, Writing For The Masses at http://www.writebay.com/JanetKuypers, http://www.poetry-today.com, online diary at www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, http://www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, “PostPoems EzBoard Online Community” at http://pub32.ezboard.com/fpostpoemsmessageboardfrm22, the starlite cafe at http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/29/poem_290243.html, www.authorsden.com (poetry listing), and theme stream at http://www.themestream.com/gspd_browse/author/view_author_info.gsp?auth_id=112592. It also appeared in the book Moving Performances.

Number 136
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions, online diary at www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, http://www.poetry-today.com, http://www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, http://www.themestream.com/gspd_browse/author/view_author_info.gsp?auth_id=112592, www.ilovepoetry.com, and in the chapbook Getting Wired.

Walking With You/Watching You/With You/Waiting For You/Without You
Most of these poems were accepted in almost all of the publishing houses here, though some of them are not. This previously published list defines were any of all of this series of poems has been published: Art/Life Limited Editions June 1994 and v17 #3 No. 179, Iliad press, http://www.poetryboard.com, Impressions; JMW Publishing in 1995 and JMW Publishing 10th anniv. issue in 1997, Larry’s Poetry Page, Opossum Holler Tarot v 451 and v462, http://www.poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, and http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/ 28/poem_235182.html. It was published in the chapbooks I Was Looking Through, They Tried To Tease Me, Order Now, and Two Year Journey, as well as in the books Treasured Poems of America and The Window (available for sale on line), and some have appeared in the book Moving Performances.

The Way You Tease Me
Previously published in Larry’s Poetry Page, www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, http://www.allaboutlovepoems.com/submitted_poem_dtl.php?QnCategoryID=2&QnVerseID=52, and poetrypoem (poetry1344) at http://poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetry 1344&item=home. This poem exists loosely translated into a variety of different languages (French, German, Italian, Portuguese and Spanish) at http://www.yotko.com/jk/poems/poems.htm and http://www.artvilla.com/kuypers/poems/poems.html. It appeared in the chapbooks The Way I’m Going, They Tried To Tease Me, and in the French chapbook Ferme le Bousche!!! . It was in the performance art show and in the chapbook Sensuality in Poetry, for the 2005 Poetry Fest 08/28/05.It was also published in the books Contents Under Pressure and Moving Performances.

How do I Explain It
Previously published in my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, poetry-today.com, mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, poets2000.com/kuyperswriting/, thestarlitecafe.com/poems/29/poem_290254.html, Art/Life Limited Editions, Worldnet Publishing, ilovepoetry.com, and authorsden.com (poetry listing). It also was previously published in the compact with as well as in the live 2002 performance art show in Chicago, both titled Stop, Look, Listen. It also was previously published in the books Rinse And Repeat, Oeuvre and Etc.

Holding My Hand
Previously published in Art/Life Limited Editions, online diary at www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443, poetry-today.com, mishibishi.net/kuypers.html, and http://www.authorsden.com/den/editpoetry.asp?id=30125. A French translation of this poem exists at http://poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?sitename=poetry1344&item=home, and an Italian translation of this exists at www.my-diary.org/read/?read=2443. This poem has also been published at http://www.yotko.com/jk/poems/poems.htm and http://www.artvilla.com/kuypers/poems/poems.html in the additional languages: French, Spanish, German, Italian, and Portuguese.This is published in the chapbooks Didn’t Feel The Convulsions, the French on line chapbook Ferme le Bousche!!!, and the Spanish on line chapbook Se Habla Espanol (the poems). This poems was also published in the book Etc.as well as in the collection books Chaos Theory and Oeuvre.

About the Author

    Janet Kuypers has a Communications degree in News/Editorial Journalism (starting in computer science engineering studies) from the UIUC. She had the equivalent of a minor in photography and specialized in creative writing. A portrait photographer for years in the early 1990s, she was also an acquaintance rape workshop facilitator, and she started her publishing career as an editor of two literary magazines. Later she was an art director, webmaster and photographer for a few magazines for a publishing company in Chicago.
    She sang with acoustic bands “Mom’s Favorite Vase”, “Weeds and Flowers” and “the Second Axing”, and does music sampling. Kuypers is published in books, magazines and on the internet around 9,300 times for writing, and over 17,800 times for art work in her professional career, and has been profiled in such magazines as Nation and Discover U, won the award for a Poetry Ambassador and was nominated as Poet of the Year for 2006 by the International Society of Poets. She has also been highlighted on radio stations, including WEFT (90.1FM), WZRD (88.3FM), WLS (8900AM), the internet radio stationsArtistFirst dot com, chicagopoetry.com’s Poetry World Radio and Scars Internet Radio (SIR), and was even shortly on Q101 FM radio. She has also appeared on television for poetry in Nashville and Chicago, and was interviewed on her art work on Urbana’s WCIA channel 3 10 o’clock news.
    She turned her writing into performance art on her own and with musical groups like Pointless Orchestra,” “5D/5D” and “Order From Chaos,” and starting in 2005 Kuypers ran a monthly iPodCast of her work, as well as an Internet radio station (JK Radio). She has performed spoken word and music across the country - in the spring of 1998 she embarked on her first national poetry tour, with featured performances, among other venues, at the Albuquerque Spoken Word Festival during the National Poetry Slam; her bands have had concerts in Chicago and in Alaska; in 2003 she hosted and performed at a weekly poetry and music open mike (called Sing Your Life), and from 2002 through 2005 was a featured performance artist, doing quarterly performance art shows with readings, music and images.
    In addition to being published with Bernadette Miller in the short story collection book Domestic Blisters, as well as in a book of poetry turned to prose with Eric Bonholtzer in the book Duality, Kuypers has had many books of her own published: Hope Chest in the Attic, The Window, Close Cover Before Striking, (woman.) (spiral bound), Autumn Reason (novel in letter form), the Average Guy’s Guide (to Feminism), Contents Under Pressure, etc., and eventually The Key To Believing (2002 650 page novel), Changing Gears (travel journals around the United States), The Other Side (European travel book), The Boss Lady’s Editorials, The Boss Lady’s Editorials — 2005 Expanded Edition, Seeing Things Differently, Change/Rearrange, Death Comes in Threes, Moving Performances, Six Eleven, Live at Cafe Aloha, Dreams, Rough Mixes, The Entropy Project, and The Other Side (2006 edition). Three collection books were also published of her work in 2004, Oeuvre (poetry), Exaro Versus (prose) and L’arte (art).

Kuypers Compact Discs

Music
    The Demo Tapes, by Mom’s Favorite Vase
    The Final (MFV Inclusive), with poetry from Kuypers
    The Beauty & The Destruction, by Weeds & Flowers
    Something Is Sweating, by The Second Axing
    Stop. Look. Listen to the Music , by MFV, Weeds & Flowers, The Second Axing
    Live in Alaska, by The Second Axing
    Sing Your Life, by The Second Axing
    These Truths, by Mom’s Favorite Vase & The Second Axing

Performance Art/Spoken Word
    Live at Cafe Aloha, by Pettus/Kuypers
    Rough Mixes, with Pointless Orchestra
    Seeing Things Differently
    Change/Rearrange
    Stop Look Listen
    Tick Tock, with 5D/5D
    Six One One
    The Entropy Project, with music from Order From Chaos
    Moving Performances (a mp3 compilation CD)
    Death Comes in Threes
    Changing Gears
    The Other Side (CD tracks & live performance show)
    Dreams
    How Do I Get There?
    Contact•Conflict•Control (CD tracks & live performance show)
    the DMJ Art Connection Disc One with music from members of the DMJ Art Connection)
    WZRD Radio (2 CD set; 3 radio interviews)
    oh. (2006 audio CD)
    Live at the Cafe (3 CD set)

Collection Compact Discs
internet CD: Oh. Internet CD Assorted Artists, with Kuypers
performance/spoken word from assorted artists, with Kuypers:
    T&T audio CD Assorted Artists
    The Elements audio CD Assorted Artists
    Side A/Side B audio CD Assorted Artists
    String Theory Assorted Artists
U.S. Government Copyright © 2004
    My Gift Is My Song CD
    Guitar • Kuypers • Mom’s Favorite Vase • The Second Axing • Voice Sampling • Weeds and Flowers
    Janet Kuypers: Writing, Music, Reading & Art (& Videos & Chapbooks)
    plus CD recordings of Six One One, live Chicago the Beatsville Cafe show 09/12/03, the Dreams performance art show, 2004, ArtistFirst.com Radio 09/11/03, live Chicago Radio Poetry Readings 06/02/02, live Chicago Radio Poetry Readings 12/07/03, live Chicago Radio Poetry Readings 05/02/04, original guitar covers, the CD Overstating, “raw” poetry readings, live Chicago the Side A/Side B show in December 2003, and the Stop. CD 05/02/02)