[the Writing of Kuypers]    [JanetKuypers.com]    [Bio]    [Poems]    [Prose]

Watch this YouTube video live at the Yammer Chicago mini-feature 11/17/99

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her poem Lessons from the Simpsons live 9/11/13 at the open mic the Café Gallery in Chicago (C)

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her poem Lessons from the Simpsons live 9/11/13 at the open mic the Café Gallery in Chicago (S)

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading 3 poems, “Depth of Field”, “Fantastic Car Crash”, & “Lessons from the Simpsons” , 10/16/16 at the Austin open mic Kick Butt Poetry (Canon Power Shot camera.

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading 3 poems, “Depth of Field”, “Fantastic Car Crash”, & “Lessons from the Simpsons”, 10/16/16 at the Austin open mic Kick Butt Poetry (filmed from a Sony camera).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her poem “Valentine’s Day, every Day” from the 2/20 v294 cc&d issue/book “Mask”, then her poems “Barbie” and “Lessons from the Simpsons”, both read from her cc&d volume 2 poetry collection book “a Wake-Up Call from Tradition”, live 2/15/20 at the Austin “Open Mic Showcase” at Recycled Reads (Panasonic Lumix T56 camera & posted on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Tumblr).

See YouTube video of Janet Kuypers reading her poem “Valentine’s Day, every Day” from the 2/20 v294 cc&d issue/book “Mask”, then her poems “Barbie” and “Lessons from the Simpsons”, both read from her cc&d volume 2 poetry collection book “a Wake-Up Call from Tradition”, live 2/15/20 at the Austin “Open Mic Showcase” at Recycled Reads (Panasonic Lumix 2500 camera & posted on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram & Tumblr).

Lessons from the Simpsons I will not bribe principal Skinner. I will not send lard in the mail. I will not hide the teacher’s prozac. I will not hang donuts on my person. I will not aim for the head. I will not barf unless I’m sick. I will not conduct my own fire drills. I will not snap bras. I will not fake seizures. I will not prescribe medication. I will not bury the new kid. I will not sell school property. I will not trade pants with others. I will not drive the principal’s car. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. I will not belch the National Anthem. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I am not deliciously saucy. I will not torment the emotionally frail. I will not sell land in Florida. I will not grease the monkey bars. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. I will not sleep through my education. I will not teach others to fly. I will not bring sheep to class. I will not eat things for money. I will not instigate a revolution. I will not call my teacher “Hot Cakes.” I will not yell, “Fire” in a crowded classroom. I will not Xerox my butt. I will not yell “She’s Dead” at roll call. I will not call the principal “spud head.” I will not charge admission to the bathroom. A burp is not an answer. “Bag Man” is not a legitimate career choice. Coffee is not for kids. The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee. Goldfish don’t bounce. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. Tar is not a plaything. Spitwads are not free speech. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. The cafeteria deep fat fryer is not a toy. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan!" Organ transplants are best left to professionals. Underwear should be worn on the inside. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge. This punishment is not boring and pointless. At the beginning of each episode of “The Simpsons,” Bart is serving detention and writing a message on the black board over and over. The message changes from episode to episode. This is a collection of some of the messages he has written. Copyright Janet Kuypers. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission.