Those Were the Days
of Our Lives
(dreams 8/12/22)
Janet Kuypers
8/12/22
I woke up from a dream, pre-dawn.
Someone was talking to me, and I
Told them to stop, that I wanted to
Hear the words in the beginning
of this song
the song had an instrumental
at the start, but the singer
sang something quietly, you
had to strain to hear it
Then I listened for a moment,
Then sang along:
You have to let me go
To the foreign shores
I have to now go
To the nevermore
And then I woke up.
For a half-hour, I was trying to
Figure out what that song was,
Was it by the Smiths, or was it
A war song by George Michael
Because I was sure this song
Which I have never heard before
Had to be about going to war
Later, it occurred to me:
This song was about
Your wanting to die,
And I dream this
Right before your birthday,
Just before I drive two days
To say my final farewell.
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I keep thinking back
To seeing my son god:
Like when I brought my husband
To meet you. For the first time,
Driving eight hours to your
Halloween party: from the show
Dark Angel, I was Max, Jessica Alba,
Complete with the bar code on my neck,
My husband was Logan, in a wheelchair
After being shot from saving a woman.
I rang the doorbell of your 1st floor
Apartment with a 1" lip to get in, and
When you opened the door, you were
So concerned about getting him into
Your place in the wheelchair, so “Logan”
Stood up, said, ‘oh, don’t worry, this is
Just my costume.’ Did my sun god
Really think I wouldn’t tell him if my
Husband was wheelchair-bound, and
If he was my sun god, shouldn’t he
Have known anyway? Either way,
The wheelchair was a fascinating
Icebreaker, and my husband never
Worried about not having a seat
At the apartment Halloween party.
Or when you flew to visit me,
I picked you up from O’Hare and
Wanted to take you to a great
Pizza place near north Chicago,
Silo, and yeah, it had a huge
Silo in front, so even though I
Had no GPS, and didn’t know the
Address or the technical town
It was in, I found it. I know you
Like your southern charm, but... I
Hope you liked the change of pace.
Or when you had a party on my
Husband’s birthday, he was 40
So we took the 8-hour drive, and
Brought along a few 40-oz.
Bottles of St. Ides beer, because,
You know, he was turning forty,
So he kept calling it St. Dez, it was
A riot, and hey, a ritual’s a ritual.
Or when you visited my house,
Trying to figure out what to do,
So I say, “hey, have you ever seen
The movie Dead Man?” You said,
“I think so, it wasn’t really good...”
But I was like, “wait a minute,
Johnny Depp does a great job in
This black and white movie, it’s
Like a Twin Peaks Black Lodge
Session, Iggy pop is even in this.”
So I was bold enough to force you
To watch it for a new perspective,
And it was great watching it
With you. Johnny Depp was Bill
Blake, shot after caught sleeping with,
Someone’s wife, then ran into a
Native American who learned his
name. ‘Uou are William Blake?
You are a great poet...’ so this
Native American who went by
The name of Nobody, taught him
How to shoot a gun, to protect
Himself before he died from his
Gunshot wounds. Blake was
Hunted down; one man asked,
‘Are you William Blake?’ to
Which he replied, ‘Yes.
Do you like my poetry?’
Then shot the man dead.
We seem to walk that line
Of life and death and poetry,
Don’t we.
Wait, wait, wait, I almost forgot,
I think this was when I came to
Visit you for a Tag Team Poets
Reading, and you talked about
Having pot, this was before it was
Legal in the United States, so
One poet friend there said sure,
Let’s go to the garage and have
Some. I walked in there thinking
We would smoke some and he
Pulled out a bong, so, okay,
I’ll try it, and I held my breath
And then started coughing and the
Poet started laughing and took a
Hit and started coughing too, and
I wondered if he coughed to make
Me feel less apprehensive, but
When I walked out to the party,
My husband must have seen
My glassy eyes and all of my
Apprehension gone...
Those were the days, weren’t they.
When you did things
You wouldn’t normally do,
But you didn’t regret a thing,
Better for every experience,
Big or small.
Every venture with my sun god
Shaped me for who I am today.
And yeah, it was worth it.
Every minute.
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